


Counting down

by zation



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blow Jobs, Bullying, Cas in Glasses, Cas keeps bee, Cas overthinks things, Cas trying to be rational, Come Swallowing, Coming In Pants, Condoms, Crying Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester's First Time With a Man, Desperation, Drunk confessions, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Falling In Love, Feels, First Time Blow Jobs, Forbidden Love, Frottage, Grinding, High School Student Dean Winchester, I dunno what Dean is, Jealousy, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Masturbation, Meg is an awesome friend, Miscommunication, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Office Blow Jobs, Older Castiel (Supernatural), POV Castiel (Supernatural), Pansexual Castiel (Supernatural), Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Pushy Dean, School Principal Castiel (Supernatural), Sexual Frustration, Sexual Tension, Taboo, Tags Are Hard, Tags May Change, Tender Sex, Top Castiel/Bottom Dean Winchester, Unsafe Sex, Virgin Dean Winchester, Younger Dean Winchester, but also safe sex, but also sloppy af, but also yes, but don't think too hard on it, but more plot and feelings than you might be used to, everyone around them are too supportive lmao, from the sex, gay for cas lmao, if you're a recurring zation reader, it's zation porn after all, more like Casturbation lol, mostly off screen tho, some violence, the fun kind, the not so fun kind lol, this fic tries to be realistic about the principal/student trope
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-17
Updated: 2021-01-23
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:47:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 7
Words: 40,983
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28125606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zation/pseuds/zation
Summary: Castiel Novak is the Principal at Lawrence High School, well-respected amongst colleagues and fiercely protective of his students. Dean Winchester is a bit of an unfortunate troublemaker in his senior year of high school.Or,The one where Cas valiantly tries to resist and where Dean thinks Cas is fucking hot in his reading glasses.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 343
Kudos: 390





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm back! And with such a taboo trope too haha! This is gonna be fun 😆  
> As the tags suggest, I'm gonna try and keep this one "realistic", within the boundaries of fanfiction, but of course it won't be 🤣  
> Please read with caution if you know in your heart that a principal/student relationship is in some way traumatic for you (or turn away now), and please read all the tags (heed the "underage" archive warning!). I know I ramble a lot in them but it's either that or long ass author's notes, you're not getting away!
> 
> Now without further ado, please enjoy this fic where a principal and a student fall in love, because Destiel 💖  
> (all my love and devotion ofc go out to my beautiful beta, she looks like Jasmine from Aladdin, I'm not even kidding. And her brain is even more brilliant /endgush)

Castiel pushes up his black-rimmed reading glasses, rubbing the bridge of his nose as he squints at the two students in front of him. Both look busted up but one is staring at him with defiant eyes rather than shying away from Cas’ stern gaze. That Dean Winchester always had spunk, Cas will give him that.

“Now boys, does anyone of you want to tell me what actually happened?”

Cas expects the silence that follows, this isn't the first time he's had boys in here who look like they've been through a boxing match and of course no one is willing to be the snitch. Cas is the Principal after all and spilling everything to him would be social suicide, Cas has had this position long enough to know _that_.

Doesn’t stop him from sighing deeply, though.

“Then I guess I’ll have to call your parents…”

Not even the threat of involving parents is enough to deter these boys to give up the reason for their recent fisticuffs.

They’re tough, Cas is man enough to admire that.

He sends both boys away shortly after, Dean walking with his head held high and a scathing look thrown at Gordon Walker, the other boy who’s busy making eyes at the floor as he trots beside Dean. Cas sighs again, deeper, and prepares himself for a couple of fruitless phone calls.

Mr. and Mrs. Winchester are always very concerned when they get this kind of call from him about their oldest son, but apparently Dean’s just as tight lipped at home as he is at school because there’s rarely anything Cas can gauge from his conversations with either parent.

Parents like Mr. and Mrs. Walker don’t seem to give a flying fuck and would rather live under the delusion that Gordon is too good a boy to have done anything wrong (Mrs. Walker) or that the other person in the fight probably deserved what they got (Mr. Walker). Cas dislikes either way of thinking and by now it’s been one too many times that Gordon’s been in here and Cas is tempted to call a social worker and schedule a meeting with Gordon’s parents here at school.

He eats his lunch alone in the staff cafeteria not because he particularly wants to or because his colleagues don’t want to eat with him but because his phone call with Mrs. Walker dragged on. It’s fine, though, he spends the time on his phone chatting with Meg, his best friend.

They’re making plans for the weekend; Meg wants to visit a new steakhouse that’s opened in town and Cas is always up for a good steak so he’s getting excited. Especially considering he’s eating a boring heap of leftover pasta salad right now.

His older brother, Gabriel, once commented on the fact that Cas and Meg are fast approaching 40 (Cas still has a year to go, thank you very much) and both of them are unmarried. Naturally that should mean they should invoke the PactTM, right?

“We don’t have a pact like that,” the mere thought had seemed ridiculous to Cas at the time of mentioning.

“You don’t?” Gabe’s honest surprise had actually been a little jarring. “Seems to me that you’re close enough that you should.”

Cas is actually pretty goddamn sure he wouldn’t even be able to consummate the wedding. Not because Meg is unattractive, God knows she’s an incredibly beautiful woman in that devilish way and Cas has been charmed by her for a long time. But she’s just not… she doesn’t really do it for him. Cas knows he swings both ways (actually maybe he’s even pansexual? He hasn’t looked into it, but it seems to fit pretty well) but with Meg it’s more of a familiarity thing.

She’s his _best_ friend, she’s like his sister. She’s his _Meg_.

And though that doesn’t stop him from going out to bars with her and act as her wingman (and vice versa) it still stops him from viewing her in a sexual way. Although, one of their best pick-up moves is actually dancing with each other because apparently people like to watch two attractive people grind against each other (real shocker there). It’s been a while for him now, though. Work takes up a big chunk of his life and Meg’s been entertained by Tinder for quite some time.

This steakhouse sounds nice, though, and he happily agrees to her pick of date and time.

Mrs. Moseley, his elderly no-nonsense secretary, gives him an unexpectedly sympathetic look when he comes back from his late lunch.

“What?” he eyes his own office door apprehensively. “What meeting did I forget about now?”

Cas is an excellent Principal, if he says so himself, but schedules aren’t always his thing, which is why he has Mrs. Moseley.

“Nothing today, dear,” she hands him a stack (a literal _stack_ ) of papers. “But the superintendent came for a surprise visit.”

A surprise for everyone involved, it sounds like on her tone of voice. Yes, Mrs. Moseley doesn’t like not being prepared, that’s for sure, and it’s so uncommon for her that Cas smiles kindly.

“It’s fine, we’ll make it through this.”

Inspection isn’t for another three months anyway; the school year’s barely begun.

Mrs. Moseley shakes her head. “I will pray for you, boy.”

The superintendent, Zachariah Adler, is an ass that no one wants to talk to if it can be avoided but Cas thinks it’ll be fine, he’s good at putting on a blank face and going to his happy place. And aside from Dean and Gordon beating the living daylights out of each other he feels on top of things.

“Castiel,” Mr. Adler says briskly as soon as Cas enters his own office. “I thought you would have me waiting all afternoon.”

It’s barely half past one. “I pushed my lunch in favor of dealing with student matters.”

“Nothing troublesome, I hope?” Mr. Adler makes it sound as if the students are nothing more than a pack of rowdy dogs.

“Nothing I can’t handle, I assure you,” Cas wants to smile condescendingly but of course doesn’t. As he walks up to his desk he wonders briefly if Mr. Adler is just a cliché bad superintendent or if they’re usually this clueless about running a school full of hormone ridden kids.

“That’s good because I have a lot of notes to discuss in preparation of the upcoming inspection.”

Cas assumes he’s referring to the massive stack of papers provided by Mrs. Moseley. He puts them on the desk and sits down in his chair, gesturing for Mr. Adler to take a seat as well. He’s actually surprised Adler didn’t have the audacity to take Cas’ chair, it wouldn’t be the first time.

“I think you’ll find that everything is in ord—”

“Let’s first discuss this new janitor of yours.”

Rufus Turner is rough around the edges and Cas already loves the man for how exemplary he runs the maintenance crew. He can see this is going to be a longer day than he had hoped.

“Yes, let’s.”

*****

“Why is it called ‘The Roadhouse’ when it’s located in the middle of town?”

Meg scoffs at Cas’ unamused frown and pushes inside. “Because of the dive bar feel, I suppose?”

She’s not wrong about that, the steakhouse really _does_ look like a dive bar and Cas is instantly charmed by its rustic feel. There’s a big bar smack dab in the center of the room, patrons accessing it from all four sides, and around it, booths and tables for eating have been placed seemingly haphazardly. At the back, Cas spots several pool tables, something he hadn’t expected in a restaurant but that intrigues him enough to make him smile.

“It’s nice.”

Meg rolls her eyes, but he knows she agrees, she’s very vocal about her opinions, when negative. They walk up to a small podium with a sign that reads “Wait here to be seated, please!” and they don’t have to wait long before a perky blonde practically bounces up to them.

“Welcome to the Roadhouse, table for tw—oh my God, Mr. Novak!”

Cas smiles, amused as he watches one of Lawrence High’s many students hide behind the menus in her hand, peeking at him.

“Good evening, Ms. Harvelle.”

It’s not like Cas knows _every_ student’s name, but Jo Harvelle’s mother is usually one of the first to volunteer when they have events such as bake sales and the like. He likes her straight-forward attitude and the fact that when her husband died unexpectedly (Cas thinks it was an accident, but it was before Jo started high school so he doesn’t know the details), Mrs. Harvelle didn’t let anything stand in her way. She just rolled up her sleeves and kept on trucking and Cas respects that.

“Um,” Jo’s eyes dart between Cas and Meg and then settles on Cas. “My mom owns this place,” she blurts, making Meg raise her eyebrows at the young woman.

“And my compliments to her,” Cas replies smoothly, still smiling slightly. “It’s an impressive establishment.”

Apparently satisfied with this and that Cas doesn’t seem to want to call her out for working as a hostess here, Jo offers them a smile and beckons them to come with her to a table of her choosing.

“What was that about?” Meg mutters when they’ve been left alone with the menus, their drinks expected to be brought shortly, as Jo put it.

“She’s only 15,” Cas mumbles as he studies the menu. It doesn’t take him long to decide, not after seeing the picture of the porterhouse steak.

“Gotta give me more, doofus.”

Cas looks up and sees that Meg’s eyeing Jo, who’s very clearly _not_ looking at their table. “If you’re under 16 you shouldn’t work after 7 p.m. during the school year, in fact I think it’s prohibited by the law but I’m not sure if Kansas state accepts it,” he smiles even broader when he sees Meg’s confused face, she’s not his most law-abiding friend, and that’s putting it mildly, so he’s not surprised she doesn’t know about this. “And considering she knows me as her Principal…”

“Oh shit,” Meg laughs, the sound smoky and smooth, as pleasing to Cas’ ears as always. “I bet she thought you would tattle on her or something.”

“Perhaps,” Cas smiles as a waiter comes over with their drinks. “But I think I should let it slide since her mother owns the place, don’t you?”

Maybe he wouldn’t in some cases, but the Harvelles are good people and he sees nothing wrong with what’s going on here.

“I guess this is why you shouldn’t work in the same municipality you live in,” Meg grins when the waiter has left with their orders.

“Maybe so,” Cas agrees casually because he’s been told this before but honestly, he doesn’t care. Does, in fact, find it kind of amusing when incidents like this happens.

“I have to say, though, that that girl working here seems perfectly normal to me but those boys over there…” she points subtly to a gathering of what is clearly a bunch of high school boys. Cas recognizes most of them, if not all by name, and there’s even one or two there who’s graduated high school but that he recognizes as well.

Cas hums and takes a sip of his beer. “This _is_ a drinking establishment,” he mumbles, eyeing the group as Dean Winchester and Jesse Cuevas gather up the balls to clearly start a new game of pool.

“Never mind _that_ ,” Meg says, her tone playfully sultry and he looks at her with a raised eyebrow. “Have you _seen_ the asses on some of them?”

“Okay, clearly you’ve been on Tinder for too long,” Cas laughs. Meg just scoffs at him.

“I won’t argue that, but you also know I’m right.”

“They’re only _boys_.”

Meg shrugs, grin mischievous. “So? Bet they already know a thing or two, and if not then I don’t care. Rocking virgin worlds is fun too.”

Cas snorts, shaking his head and takes another sip. They banter for a while, Meg definitely eyeing the group of playing boys, and Cas having fun with that simply because he’s comfortable she wouldn’t do anything about it. They’re loud but not annoyingly so, laughing and jeering as they play round after round. When they get their steaks, Cas digs in with gusto, hungry from a whole day of waiting for this and from the beer making him peckish.

He’s tempted to go over and surprise the boys with his presence, like Meg suggests, but doesn’t because he doesn’t want to disturb their fun. He’s pretty sure Jo will tell them later anyway, if she hasn’t already (he has definitely seen her down there by the pool tables). Chances are she knows the boys, or at least one of them, and the word’s been around that the Principal is in their midst. He wonders if (if she’s told them) it puts a hamper on their fun, if they would in fact have been louder if he hadn’t been there.

He hopes not, aware that him being the Principal does make him “boring” in the eyes of most students but not keen on being reminded of it, not when he’s out and enjoying an evening with his best friend.

In the end he doesn’t spare it much thought though, and he and Meg leave before the group of boys do.

*****

A week later he’s got Dean Winchester in his office again. Another day, another fight, but this time the other boy (or boys? Girls?) managed to get away, only Dean stayed at the scene of the crime for some reason and Cas has yet to figure out why.

“Dean,” he steeples his fingers, trying to sound calm but he’s honestly upset. Dean looks like a used punching bag. “ _Please_ help me understand this. You’re a good boy, you get good grades, but—”

“What’s that got to do with this?” Dean interrupts, eyes indignant. “I can’t have ‘altercations’ even though I’m a good student?”

Cas presses his lips together momentarily, not appreciating how Dean mocks his way of using air quotes. The students often mock a lot of his traits and he expects that, it kind of comes with the job, but to have it thrown in his face is a bit too much. Especially considering he’s trying to help the boy.

Dean shrinks back a little in his seat, surprisingly enough seeming aware of what he did, and that Cas disapproves.

“I would hardly call broken ribs altercations.”

“It ain’t that bad,” Dean mutters, eyes downcast. “We just don’t get along.”

“So I’ve noticed,” Cas picks up a piece of paper, a form for occasions like this, and puts on his reading glasses. “I wish you would tell me who the other people are, we need to get to the root of this problem. Is it Gordon Walker?”

“Fucking hell,” Dean suddenly spits, flying to his feet. Cas expects teenagers with their raging hormones to have fast mood swings, but Dean is something spectacular to behold. “The fucking _root_ is that people are rotten, Cas! They’re fucking scumbags and they shouldn’t be in here!”

Cas levels Dean with a stare, the fact that the boy just used Cas’ nickname not escaping him. “Who, Dean? And why?”

Dean chews air for a moment and then steps back, eyes to the floor. “May I be excused?”

Cas wants to snap because no, no he can’t excuse Dean now. He wants to _help_ the boy, why can’t Dean see that? But the battle is postponed for now, not lost but clearly at an impasse. He thinks they’ve made some kind of breakthrough, though, considering that Dean lashed out like this. He’s never done that before.

“I will be calling your parents.”

“You should.”

Okay, the challenge in those words make Cas think Dean actually _does_ want to talk about what’s happening. Another breakthrough, albeit just as small as the first one.

Two weeks later they’re well into the fall semester and the football season. Cas has never been much for high school football in general but of course the Principal has to come cheer his team on, or at least so Meg tells him. He suspects Meg and Gabe only join him to ogle his students and it makes him leery about bringing them, but he needs the company.

The weather is good, and the hot dogs are better so Cas enjoys the first half of the game, tuning out his brother and best friend as they compare Tinder matches, who knew there would be so many in Lawrence alone? Cas doesn’t really want to think about either one of them having sex, thank you very much.

Further down the bleachers he spots Dean and his group of friends, easily recognizing Benny Lafitte, a burly boy who’s been in his office together with Dean a couple of times. They’re joking around with Charlie Bradbury and a younger boy whom Cas deduces is Dean’s little brother only because of the similarities. The boy looks to be only a few years younger, though, and Cas suspects he’ll be seeing him in his school if not next year, then the year after.

The group looks like they’re having fun and it makes Cas smile. Just yesterday he had personally caught Gordon Walker beating on another boy, Max Banes, who was lying curled up on the floor. He hadn’t needed any witnesses to tell him who was the most responsible in that fight and had easily been able to pass a suspension on Walker. In a way he is satisfied to have one less problem roaming his halls and in another he feels like a complete failure because a suspension is only pushing the problem ahead of them. Gordon obviously needs help, perhaps even therapy, and Cas wishes he could do more for the boy.

Adler tied his hands on things like that, though. Cas’ responsibilities concern only the school, and keeping it clean; keeping the students safe for the few hours they are inside its walls. Anything other than that Cas doesn’t have the resources or the money to affect and it eats him up sometimes. Meg says he cares too much, much more than his sanity will be able to handle in the long run, but Cas hopes she’s wrong. Hopes every Principal cares as much if not more, although some conferences he has been to has instilled him with more dread than hope on that account.

All in all he’s feeling pretty good about things, though. Dean seemed happier today than last he saw him, at least.

Not ten minutes into the second half of the game the mood changes, though. Two junior boys, Roy and Walt if Cas isn’t mistaken, walk past Dean’s group of friends and calls out something. Cas doesn’t hear what, but he sees Charlie stiffen and Dean and his (presumed) little brother jump to their feet.

“What the fuck did you just say?!” Dean roars, loud enough for Cas and several others to hear it over the cheering crowd.

Roy and Walt stop, leering, and obviously says something upsetting back. Dean starts forward but is stopped by Benny, who puts himself between and goes up in Roy’s face. The younger boy stays by Charlie’s side, one hand on her shoulder as she hunches in on herself.

Cas’ chest hurts and he stands up, determined to get to the bottom of this.

“Cassie,” he looks down when Gabe grabs his wrist. “Don’t.”

“What?”

Gabe shakes his head and pulls Cas down to his seat again. “If you go down there now, you’ll not get a peep out of them, not like this in front of the whole school. You’ll just embarrass them and make them seem weak for needing your protection.”

“Excuse me?” Cas splutters. He is the adult, _and_ the Principal, he should stop this right now.

“Let’s see how it plays out first, okay? Talk to them tomorrow, separately.”

Cas stares at his brother, feeling defeated when Meg nods along, and then turns to watch the scene unfold. As it turns out, nothing happens more than a few heated words that Cas is too far away to hear, but he feels regret that he didn’t intervene, and will continue to feel that regret for a long time.

*****

The next day is a Friday and Cas has to stay later than he would care to because Adler is a control freak (an asshole) who wants Cas’ preliminary reports for the upcoming inspection Monday latest. Cas wishes he could tell the superintendent to fuck off, but he isn’t that kind of guy and he likes his job. Besides, he had anticipated something like this since this isn’t his first time managing Adler and had finished most of his work before today.

What he’s got left keeps him until after office hours anyway, because of course it does (also because he refuses to do this over the weekend) and when he finally shuffles out of the school building he can’t help but stretch his back with a groan. It’s a beautiful, sunny September evening and Cas is comforted by the sounds coming from the football field across the employee parking.

He smiles to himself, remembering the win from yesterday and barely able to believe that the teams are already practicing again. Ah youth, it makes him reminiscent to think of all that energy even though he technically isn’t _that_ old.

He’s looking at the bleachers as he’s walking over to his car, considering staying and watching for a while, if not for the sport itself but to partake in that youthful spirit even if it is from afar. And the fact that he’s looking there rather than at his car is the only reason he sees movement by the side of the natatorium to his left. Bodies moving quickly and shadows dancing behind the building, elongated by the sinking sun.

Cas hesitates because in theory there is nothing odd with people being on school premises at this time of day and although the natatorium is closed by now, someone could just be taking a shortcut to get to the football field. But the shadowy figures had moved in an odd way and Cas is walking over there without thinking much about his actions.

As he gets closer, he can hear yelling and yes, that’s definitely the sound of someone grunting, and not in a good way. He hastens his steps, calling out to whoever is round the corner of the stout building.

The sounds abruptly stop, and Cas realizes his folly when he hears retreating steps; people running away. He runs the last few yards, coat tails flapping behind him. Yes, he got whatever was happening to stop and that’s of course a plus but now he might not get a clear visual of the attacker. Rounding the corner, he barely manages to see several figures slinking past the southern part of the main school building.

He thinks he recognizes the shaven head of one of them as Azazel, a troubled youth who quit high school two years ago, but he can’t be sure, and other than that he’s at a loss. He doesn’t pursue them, however, not when he sees that the group has left a broken figure on the ground right beside him.

“Dean, good God,” he kneels beside the boy, grabbing his shoulder gently and giving him time to unfold from his curled position on his own.

“Mr. N?”

Dean’s voice is hoarse, and Cas hopes to God that Dean wasn’t punched in the stomach, or throat.

“Where are you hurt? What happened?”

Dean just shakes his head minutely, rolling to get to his knees. “Nuthin’, just some a-hole wanting revenge.”

“Revenge?” Cas feels dense. What could Dean have done to deserve something like this? “There was a whole group of them.”

He immediately goes to steady Dean when the boy gets to his feet, wobbly and obviously dizzy but looking steadier than Cas had first believed.

“Yeah,” Dean snorts. “Cowards usually need help to fight their battles, Mr. N.”

Cas immediately decides that he likes it better when Dean calls him “Cas”, even if it only happened that one time.

“Is this about what happened at the game yesterday?” he mumbles, stepping in and taking Dean’s elbow in a light grip, watching with fascination how Dean’s expression closes off.

“Nothing happened at the game.”

“Dean, I _saw_ —”

“And did nothing!” Dean snaps, fiery eyes turning up at Cas and Cas takes a step back in pure shock and—he shouldn’t voice anything else, but Dean is damn captivating in this moment, that’s for sure.

And Cas has never hated himself more for following Gabe’s advice. And, thinking back on it, hadn’t Gordon been in the group that ran from this scene minutes ago? Does Gordon think Dean’s responsible for him being suspended? Cas is suddenly surprised his car hasn’t been trashed or something like that.

“I apologize,” he says sincerely, the words insufficient but all that he can come up with right now.

Dean looks taken aback, clearly not expecting to hear that. “Well,” he mutters, stretching his other arm and drawing Cas’ attention to the fact that he’s still holding Dean’s elbow, even with the distance between them. He drops it as casually as he can. “It’s not like I didn’t get a few punches in myself. I ain’t no weakling.”

It sounds as if it’s very important to Dean that Cas knows this, for some reason. To Cas, it’s more important that Dean hasn’t actually broken any ribs or other bones. Judging by the fact that Dean was down in fetal position on the ground, cradling his head, it’s a fair assumption that the attackers were kicking him and Cas is suddenly worried about internal bleeding and every other horrible ailment people die of in hospital shows.

“Let me look at you,” he mumbles, stepping up to Dean again and grabbing the boy’s chin to angle his face this and that way.

Dean stands pliant as Cas prods his arms and legs, stomach and back. He’s being invasive and he knows it, but he feels an irrational rush of fear at the thought of Dean being hurt; more hurt than usual. This has gone on for far too long and these fights have definitely escalated since last semester. Dean’s been in his office before but now it’s excessive, more than once a week in the last month is what Cas would classify as a disaster rather than a minor problem.

Dean hisses at times but seems otherwise surprisingly okay. Maybe he had just fallen down and maybe the attackers really hadn’t gotten any good hits in, either way Cas is calmed ever so slightly. He straightens and glances at the school building.

“We need to get your scrapes disinfected,” he mumbles, cursing their luck that the school nurse has long since gone home. He supposes he could take Dean to the infirmary anyway, since he has a master key, but somehow he gets the sense that Dean doesn’t want to draw too much attention to himself.

Dean inadvertently confirms this by ducking his head, scraping his foot against the ground. “‘S fine, I’ll just wash up later.”

Cas’ throat closes up at the thought of Dean coming home to his parents looking like this. The boy’s face has bruises on it, his left cheek has a scratch (probably from hitting the hard asphalt), his clothes are dirty, and Cas has no doubt Dean’s overly large leather jacket and Henley conceals more bruises.

Dean is supposed to be _safe_ here, all students are.

“Come on,” he motions for Dean to follow him and thankfully the boy obliges without questioning. He pauses when Cas leads him to his own car, rather than the school or locker rooms, but just raises his eyebrow at Cas for a moment before getting in the car, Cas holding the passenger side door open until Dean is safely inside.

They drive in silent, Dean opening his mouth once, perhaps where Cas should have turned if he had been driving the boy home, but he closes it again and Cas is thankful for it. He knows he shouldn’t do this, should drive Dean to his own home instead of his Principal’s, but for some reason Cas can’t stop himself. Maybe it’s the familiarity of driving the same way home every day or maybe it’s because the need to keep Dean safe is rising to overwhelming proportions inside him and he (irrationally) feels that the boy won’t be safer anywhere but in Cas’ own house.

To be quite honest he doesn’t know exactly what he’s doing but he feels calmed by Dean’s continued silence and compliance.

Dean whistles when they eventually get out of the car in front of Cas’ one-story colonial house. It’s a nice enough house, white and well-kept, but what Dean no doubt is reacting to is the garden. Cas takes much pride in his flowers and bushes, his fruit trees and (in the back) beehives and vegetable garden. In contrast to his subtly colored house, his garden practically sparkles with color, even now in the fall, and he can’t help but smile a little when Dean stares with big eyes at the flowers around the front door.

“Damn, Mr. N,” he grins at Cas as soon as they’re inside the house. “Who knew you were such a busy little bee?”

Why does that make Cas feel both humbled and flattered? Perhaps because he likes bees.

“I like the smell.”

“I saw an apple tree outside.”

Cas silently offers to take Dean’s jacket and the boy removes it with some difficulty. “You are correct, I have several.”

“Do you bake?”

The question follows so quickly it’s almost too fast for Cas to catch. He smiles at Dean and hangs his coat beside Dean’s jacket.

“If you’re asking about apple pie, then yes.”

“Fucking sweet.”

Dean’s grin is entirely too endearing for Cas to comment on the cussing. “Never mind that, though. Come here and let me take a look at your wounds.”

Dean trots willingly behind him as Cas walks deeper into his house, all the way to the other side where he has his master bedroom facing the backyard. It feels a bit odd to have one of his students in his bedroom and it hits him full force now how uncharacteristically he’s behaving. But he needs to get Dean clean and disinfected and to do that he needs to get to his master bathroom, although he supposes he could have left Dean in the kitchen to wait as he got the supplies…

Dean perks up, smiling when Cas glances at him over his shoulder. He’s so surprised by it that he catches himself smiling back for no reason other than to see Dean’s pleased expression.

Inside the bathroom he goes to the cabinet opposite the mirror, motioning at the toilet. “Take off your shirt and sit down.”

“You’re supposed to buy a girl a drink first.”

Cas startles so badly that he almost drops the tube of Neosporin and he turns to Dean with big eyes, only to find the boy laughing at him.

“Well…” Cas mutters and turns back to the cabinet, digging deep to find that package of Arnica for treating Dean’s bruises as well.

He’d bought it a while back when he’d wrestled himself black and blue trying to put together an Ikea dresser for Meg and thankfully he finds that there’s more than enough left in it and that it hasn’t expired. His supply of cotton is a little worse for wear, though, and he ultimately decides on massaging in the cream and ointment by hand and save what little cotton he has for the cleaning.

Dean sits quietly and lets Cas work, first using wet cotton and a clean towel to clean off the cuts and bruises. Luckily there isn’t too much blood and the cuts haven’t gotten much dirt in them, but Cas is still thorough, even though Dean hisses when he presses a little too hard, the boy’s vibrant eyes glaring up at him.

“Come now,” he mumbles, amused. “You’re a good boy, aren’t you?”

Dean squirms and Cas concludes he’s uncomfortable, probably chilled from sitting without his shirt on (his nipples are perky enough for that to be true) and in pain from his wounds. He speeds up a little and soon moves on to putting Neosporin on the few cuts. Dean doesn’t complain about that but when Cas washes off his hands and turn to the Arnica instead, the boy’s hand catches his wrist.

“I can do that myself, Mr. N.”

Of course he can, Dean has to be 17 by now and he’s nearly an adult. For Christ’s sake, what is Cas even doing? He has definitely crossed way too many lines; should have just driven Dean home to his parents.

“Of course,” he mumbles, feeling humbled again although this time it’s not such a nice feeling.

“Although…” Dean bites his lower lip, eyeing the tube of Arnica. “I suppose I can’t reach my back.”

Cas doesn’t know why but he feels relief washing over him. It must be because Dean isn’t condemning him for his actions. Yes, he’s relieved the boy is taking this the right way and now that Cas thinks about it, what other way is there to take it? He’s simply helping his student, right? Sure, he’s doing too much, but then again Dean’s been on his radar for a while now and what happened today was simply horrendous so maybe he can be excused for his actions.

“Let me,” he murmurs, once again reaching for the Arnica and this time Dean doesn’t stop him.

The boy instead stands up, holding his shirt in front of himself as he flexes his chest to give Cas access, shoulders back and chin up. It hits Cas then, how not small Dean is for his age. Hell, stack on a couple of years and Dean’s probably going to be bigger than Cas himself. But right now he’s still shorter and a bit thinner. He’s got broad shoulders, though, and big hands, bowed legs (which of course has nothing to do with his size, but it’s still notable to Cas’ jumbled mind) and a sharp jaw.

Dean is handsome, Cas’ treacherous mind tell him, and the boy’s looks will only get better with age.

He works swiftly at applying the cream, completely ignoring Dean’s nipples which moments before had seemed like proof of the boy being chilled but now stand out as something completely different to Cas, instead rubbing lightly over every bruise he can see.

Dean’s mouth is slightly open, but he says nothing and his breathing is even the entire time. Cas is the weird one and he’s happy when he’s done.

“Let it dry for a moment,” he says, keeping an outward calm because he doesn’t even know why he feels flustered. “Do you want something to eat?”

Dean gives him a crooked smile. “I’m a growing teenage boy, I can always eat,” he laughs when Cas shakes his head with a smile. “But nah, I better get home. Gotta call Jo too, I was hanging around waiting for her practice to end so she’s probably wondering where I’m at now.”

“Ms. Harvelle was at the football practice?”

Not that females can’t be football players in Cas’ mind but unfortunately Lawrence High isn’t that progressive yet. Well, in a way they are because the female students are more than welcome to try out for the male football team but so far no one has (to Cas’ knowledge) and they sadly enough don’t have a wholly female team. Soccer, on the other hand, has much more diversity but that wasn’t the field they were close to when Dean was attacked.

“She finally made it into the cheerleading team,” Dean grins, proud as if Jo was his daughter. Or girlfriend.

Cas doesn’t know why that feels weird to think about. “I didn’t know you knew Ms. Harvelle.”

“Dude, just call her Jo, it sounds weird the way you say it,” Dean snorts out a grin as they exit the bathroom, Cas leading the way once again, Dean still shirtless. “And yeah, we go way back, our parents are thick as thieves. She’s practically my little sister.”

Well that certainly explains how Dean and his friends could be so comfortable at the Roadhouse a couple of weeks back.

“Well then, I hope she has fun.”

“So far so good,” Dean winks and whips his Henley over his head, pulling it on as they come back to the front door.

“Let me drive you home.”

“It’s fine, I can catch the bus back to school, gotta get my wheels anyway.”

Ah yes, Dean’s frankly beautiful black Chevy Impala. Cas has admired it from afar ever since Dean rolled up to the parking lot at the beginning of this semester. He wants to ask about it, wants to know if Dean got it over the summer and if maybe he’s handy enough to work on it himself, if he and his father bonded over the experience.

Cas has always had a keen but somewhat detached interest in all of his students, but this need to know more about Dean strikes him as strange and completely over-the-top, so he bites back his questions.

“Then let me at least get you money for the ride.”

“Duh Cas, I’m a student, I got my bus card.”

Dean looks like he thinks Cas is super adorable and not the klutz he feels like in this moment. He tries to overlook the fact that Dean just used his nickname again.

“Aspirin then?” he prompts instead but his voice sounds meek by now and after Dean has finally left, Aspirin thankfully accepted, Cas is left wondering what the hell just happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cas has reading glasses in this one because of this motherfucker right here:


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Early posting this week because tomorrow is Christmas Eve and then comes Christmas Day and just GAH! This year will be different for sure but somehow the traditional stress of the holidays seem to prevail, glad to see some things always stay the same no matter what...
> 
> Anyway, happy holidays! I'll see you all next week 💖

Days later the situation hasn’t escalated, and Dean doesn’t act any different around Cas. Cas feels weird about that for a number of reasons, most of which have to do with the fact that Dean could have been seriously injured if Cas hadn’t happened to be there but the boy seems as carefree as ever and his parents haven't called the school to inquire about what had happened.

There are, of course, other reasons for Cas’ unease, but he deftly avoids them.

Since he doesn’t have any firm evidence or witnesses (other than his own hasty glimpses), he can’t do much about the incident, but he does call for a staff meeting first thing Monday morning. Some of the teachers are aware that there has been fighting, some are shocked, most are appalled. Cas feels better after having had discussions with them all about what they can do to avoid further altercations.

He tells them about what happened to Dean but omits Dean’s identity and the fact that he took the boy home with him because it feels desperately leery in a way it _wasn’t_ but surely can be misinterpreted.

For now, without much to go on, the teachers agree to simply mention to their students that if they need to talk, they are more than welcome to do so. Nora, the student councilor, takes the issue severely and Cas feels confident in her expertise on the matter. They also agree to “patrol” (for the lack of a better word) the school grounds, at least during school hours. Cas even gets some teachers to volunteer to stay overtime to assure there are more teachers around during sports practice, although he has to bribe them with extra pay of course.

It makes him calmer though, and he feels as if he has done everything he can at the moment to ensure that the students are safe on school grounds. Yes, no one will be hurt again under his watch, he thinks as he watches his teachers file out of their conference room.

It’s close to two (uneventful) weeks later that there is a ring on Cas’ doorbell.

It’s late on a Saturday afternoon and Cas is busy reading his newest book on beekeeping, contemplating lightly what he would make for dinner, when the bell interrupts him. He frowns at the clock, as if the time of day will give him an answer as to who it can be calling on him right now. He supposes it’s Gabe, as he tends to come over unannounced even if he knows Cas doesn’t appreciate him doing so, so the sight that meets him on the other side of the door is doubly surprising.

Because one, it’s Dean Winchester and not Gabe. And two, he looks like he’s been through a meat grinder.

“Dean!” Cas exclaims, feeling as if his guts are twisted with a knife. He reaches for the boy and Dean stumbles inside, practically crashing into Cas’ chest.

“Mr. N?” he mumbles, face against Cas’ shoulder.

“Yes,” Cas cradles Dean for a moment, suddenly desperate to protect this boy. Who hurt him? Why? There’s so much blood, Cas’ stomach is churning unpleasantly. “You’re safe now.”

“Oh,” Dean actually chuckles a little. “I, um…” he pulls out of the embrace, looking embarrassed. “I didn’t mean to come here.”

“Why not?” Cas asks kindly, leading Dean into the house with a gentle hand on his elbow. “You’re welcome here any time.”

“I, uh, I guess I just…” now Dean looks almost mortified, which is an improvement from how beaten he had looked when Cas first opened the door.

“Dean,” he admonishes mildly. “I want you to be able to come here if you feel like you need to.”

Why though? Why not go to his parents? Cas’ stomach twists when he considers the possibility of Dean being abused at home, but he pushes the thought aside for now. He will pull the truth out of Dean, and he refuses to assume anything before the boy has had a chance to explain it himself. This time, though, with how hurt Dean looks right now, Cas won’t let the issue rest. He needs answers and he needs them as soon as possible.

But not as soon as he needs to tend to the boy’s wounds. Dean looks wobbly and he’s bleeding from a gash on his arm and Cas needs to assess whether he can take efficiently care of this or if he needs to call Dean’s parents and take the boy to the hospital.

Dean goes to sit on Cas’ toilet all on his own this time and he hisses as he tries to take off his jacket and t-shirt.

“Let me,” Cas murmurs and goes to undress the boy carefully.

Turns out there are more cuts on Dean’s abdomen but after quickly inspecting them Cas feels relieved to see that they’re not deep at all. Neither is the one on Dean’s arm, although it’s deeper than the other ones. It’s a vertical slice on the outer side of his arm, at least two inches long and Dean makes a whimpering sound when Cas washes it clean.

“They used a Bowie knife,” he says when Cas gives him a look. The silence that follows is loaded but Cas doesn’t press for more right now, too angry to be able to keep it out of his voice and he doesn’t want Dean to think he’s angry at him.

There are less bruises this time, although one is blooming on Dean’s jaw and Cas is liberal in his use of Arnica, just like last time. Neosporin is not supposed to sting like Iodine, but Dean makes hissing noises anyway. Cas just tuts at him and finishes off the wound on the boy’s arm by wrapping it in some gauze he finds in his cabinet.

Dean looks small when he hunches on the toilet, looking up at Cas with big eyes as Cas straightens after the work is done.

“This can’t keep happening, Dean,” he says, voice stern. He frowns when Dean bows his head. “I’m not mad at you, I simply cannot stand to look at you like this,” he sighs and pushes his reading glasses up his nose before he kneels in front of the boy, taking Dean’s chin in a light grip. “Do you understand that it upsets me to see you hurt? Please tell me what’s going on.”

Dean opens and closes his mouth a few times, and his expressive eyes dance all over Cas’ face. He looks like he’s about to say something but when he eventually answers Cas’ question it feels as if he had been close to saying something completely different, but Cas can’t figure out what.

“It’s Alastair,” Dean maintains eye contact when Cas stands up again. “Alastair and Roy and Walt and Azazel and all those douches. They…” he looks off into the distance, angry now and it’s a good look on him. “They’re fucking assholes, Cas. They bully people for being fat, or skinny, or poor, or gay, or what-the-fuck-ever and I _hate_ it.”

“Do they tease you?”

Dean snorts. “They try but it doesn’t take with me, I can have shit thrown at me. It’s when they go after others that I see red.” 

Cas’ heart feels strangely fluttery for a moment. “So you step in? And they don’t like that?”

Dean gets to his feet, shaking his head. “They only like to beat on people who can’t beat back.”

“And this?” Cas touches Dean’s arm and the gauze.

Dean winces, sneering down at his hidden wound. “Gordon blames me for his suspension because he thinks I ratted him out. They ambushed me that time when you save—when you stopped them,” he looks up, face unreadable for a second before it settles on anger. “Azazel got his friend Alastair to help them this time, and Alastair apparently likes knives.”

“Dean,” Cas has to stop himself, has to swallow down some of his fury. “I can help you get rid of them.”

“Can you?” Dean snorts, grin cocky in a challenging way that Cas finds himself oddly drawn to. “You got rid of Gordon so he doesn’t harass the school but his friends still found me. Plus I hear he’s coming back next week.”

“Gordon is my problem once he’s back in school, I’m the Principal and it’s _my_ school,” Cas murmurs dangerously, and Dean swallows slowly. “As for the others, I know Azazel is over eighteen, which means he would be tried as an adult, can I assume Alastair is as well?”

“I, uh, I mean yeah, he’s even older.”

“Good,” Cas’ grin is crooked and sinister. “My school district,” he grabs Dean’s chin again. “My student, _my_ rules.”

It’s possible he’ll make matters worse, or it’s possible that he’ll be able to sufficiently scare the boys to calm down. Cas is known as a gentle and fair man, if sometimes somewhat stern, but he can be vicious if he has to. And for that matter, both Gabe and Meg know people and Cas isn’t above using dirty tricks to keep his students safe, even if it is from other students.

“O-okay,” Dean almost squeaks and Cas steps back, certain he’s crossed a line, or otherwise shown too much of himself for the boy to handle. Dean only stares at him, though, looking a bit dazed.

Cas takes a moment to sweep his gaze up and down Dean’s entire body, searching perfunctory for other visible injuries. Dean squirms and looks incredibly adorable but stands still, clutching his t-shirt in his hands.

“Good, now,” Cas picks up Dean’s jacket. “Let me get some food in you before returning you home. You probably haven’t lost as much blood as I initially thought but you’ve still lost some and you’ll need the energy.”

“Sure,” Dean mumbles and when Cas looks at him the boy is beaming, which seems like an overreaction but Cas likes it so he doesn’t say anything about it.

“I was thinking of making calamari with tomato sauce, do you like that?”

“I fucking _love_ calamari,” Dean exclaims and Cas chuckles, shaking his head as he leads the way to the kitchen. He experiences a burst of mild disappointment when Dean puts on his shirt again but immediately shakes it off, uneasy with whatever that was about.

They talk as Cas prepares the dish, the atmosphere comfortable, and Cas ends up enjoying the meal much more than he thought he would. Dean is interesting and smart, he’s got a quick wit and a raw sense of humor that has Cas laughing out loud, genuine and carefree in a way he hasn’t felt with people other than Gabe and Meg before.

He’s sad to see Dean go and insists on walking the boy to the bus stop since Dean once again refuses to have Cas drive him home.

“If I come home with you in tow _and_ these injuries to show, mom’s gonna have a cow,” Dean protests profusely as they walk side-by-side through the neighborhood.

“Maybe that wouldn’t be the worst thing, to involve more adults?”

Dean gives him a slanted look. “You’re totally gonna tell on me, aren’t you?”

Cas opens his mouth to completely agree but closes it again, considering his words. If he tells Mr. and Mrs. Winchester about what happened today he’s going to have to explain that Dean came to him, and there will be follow-up questions about that which he is not prepared to answer, mostly since he doesn’t know the answers to them.

And a small (selfish) part of him likes how Dean apparently felt safe enough to come to Cas with his wounds and troubles and he thinks that if he tells on the boy then that won’t happen again. And he wants it, he realizes then. He wouldn’t mind Dean coming to him again, perhaps for more pleasant reasons than treatment of battle wounds.

He quickly shuts down that train of thought but still gives Dean a small smile. “Perhaps just this once, we can let it slide.”

Dean positively beams and Cas only later realizes that he didn’t tell Dean’s parents about the first time he took Dean into his home either. Well, two times is not a habit so he thinks that they’re still safe. Just because he wants Dean to come back (for some goddamn reason) doesn’t mean that the boy will, especially not if Cas manages to help get the bullies under control.

With that he goes into his home office, intent on making some phone calls in preparation for Monday morning, effectively ignoring how quiet the house is now. Two times is _not_ a habit, and Cas is just overthinking his emotional response to seeing Dean like that. They’re still _safe_ , everything is under control.

*****

It of course becomes the norm for Dean to come over once in a while after that and everything starts sliding out of control really fast, but Cas can’t seem to mind. And though he was confused the first time Dean knocked on his door to just “hang out”, he’s certainly enjoying the boy’s company now.

He has decided to be careful, though. Not just because it’s a delicate situation to have a student come over when they’re in no way related but also because he has realized that maybe he’s a little _too_ happy to see Dean and he needs to get his emotions in check. Because most likely this means nothing to Dean other than a fun pastime. Actually, Cas is pretty sure Dean just hangs around because he likes Cas’ cooking and perhaps also because he thinks it’s neat to get in with the Principal. Why not, right?

Cas _had_ managed to help with some of the problems at school and who wouldn’t want to have the Principal wrapped around your finger? Not that Cas is wrapped or that Dean seems to be that kind of person, but the sentiment still stands.

For now he has decided not to care too much about that, though, instead focusing on enjoying his time and with Dean it’s almost dangerously easy to forget himself. He knows he has to watch himself or he might start gushing about Dean to Meg and that would be _bad_.

He stops himself where he is, crouched over one of the flower beds in his backyard. Why would he _gush_? Gushing is for… infatuated people, or… or otherwise enamored people. He turns his head and squints at Dean, who’s busy picking apples from one of the trees in Cas’ yard. He supposes Dean is endearing in his own way but… _gushing_?

Dean perks up as soon as he notices Cas looking at him, something the boy does basically every time (even in school, which is something that has made Cas hyper aware of the sparkle in Dean’s eyes).

“My basket’s almost full,” he grins, brandishing the small basket Cas had given him with the precise instructions to only pick the best of the apples. Dean had said he loved apple pie and Cas is an old fool but he _does_ make a mean pie, if he says so himself.

He gets up and walks over to where Dean is perched on a rickety ladder. The Golden Delicious apples really live up to their name, dotting the tree with beautiful yellow in the soft sunlight. He smiles at the basket, nodding.

“This will be perfect.”

“Great!” Dean beams at him and hands him the basket so that he can climb just a little bit higher and reach a few more apples. The ladder wobbles and it makes Cas concerned enough that he puts the basket on the ground so he’ll be ready to steady the boy if he needs to. “I hope you’re planning on making something awesome with these, I love apples.”

When Dean stretches his shirt rides up. The skin beneath is like sun kissed bronze and Cas can’t tear his eyes away. Maybe because it’s at eye level or maybe because Cas is an idiot.

“I was thinking pie,” he mumbles, even though he’d planned on keeping that a secret. 

It’s not much skin he sees but it’s got him completely enthralled and he now understands how men of yore could get flustered just from seeing a woman’s ankle. The slip and the promise of hidden treasures is tantalizing.

“Fucking yes,” Dean exclaims and Cas rips himself out of his thoughts. Hidden treasures whatnow? “Can I _please_ have some?” he turns the most pleading eyes on Cas and Cas is two seconds away from blurting out that he was planning to make the pie _for_ Dean and not in general.

“Sure,” he says, smiling, and even manages not to stumble on his words. “I’ll use these now and for later in the fall I can use Granny Smith apples from the tree over there.”

He nods his head to the back corner of his yard and Dean whips his head around to look. The motion causes him to stumble and the ladder wobbles precariously, more so this time and it makes Dean slip. He makes a distressed little sound and drops the apples in his hands but Cas is quick to catch him before it actually becomes dangerous. Dean ends up leaning on Cas and Cas… well shit, his hand just slipped right up under Dean’s shirt when he went to grab the boy’s back.

The skin there is warm and _so soft_. And yes, Cas has felt Dean’s skin before, when the boy was mottled with bruises and he smeared cream on him but this is different. Dean is breathing quickly, clearly having had a scare, and Cas is basically supporting the boy’s body, his weight pleasant enough that Cas wants to step even closer.

“Are you okay?” he murmurs, his voice pitched lower for no apparent reason and Dean nods rapidly.

“Y-yeah,” he throws Cas a grin, though it’s a little shaky. “I almost fell, huh?”

Cas smiles back, amused at how the upward lilt at the end makes it sound like a question. “I think that’s enough apples for now.”

Dean nods again, slower now and starts climbing down. It’s a short way but Cas sticks close by anyway, hands still on the boy even though he withdrew from the skin contact. He recognizes the fact that he felt way too much regret in losing the contact and he feels at odds with himself because of it.

“I dropped the apples.”

Dean honestly looks devastated by this and Cas can’t help chuckling. He bumps the boy’s chin with his finger before he can stop himself and when Dean turns big eyes up on Cas he can do nothing but smile at him.

“It’s fine, we’ll just wash them. You’ll get your pie, don’t worry.”

Dean does that peculiar thing when he preens and squirms at the same time. Cas has noticed this on several occasions by now and he’s grown quite fond of it, mainly because it makes him feel special. Dean carries the basket inside but declines the offer to stay for dinner today.

“I want to,” he sighs and pulls his phone out of his jeans pocket. “But I’m actually already late for a study session with Benny and Charlie.”

Cas tries very hard not to be disappointed by this because he knows he has no right to own the boy’s time. Already now he has taken too much, as evidenced by Dean’s statement.

“Then please don’t let me hold you up,” he frowns, which for some reason makes Dean smile. “You shouldn’t even have come here to begin with if you didn’t have the time. You don’t have to spend time with me if you don’t want to.”

Oh God, that was so unnecessary to say… Now it sounds like he doesn’t want Dean here. Or as if he’s being petty, which he _isn’t_. Dean is free to hang out with whomever he wants and since when did it become so important for him to have these moments with the boy anyway? It has barely been two weeks.

“It’s fine,” Dean shrugs and plucks an apple from the basket. “I told them I’d probably be late because I had to help my parents in the yard.”

So now Dean is lying to spend time with Cas. “And what did you tell your parents, then? That you’re already at your friend’s house?”

“Nah,” Dean winks and Cas thinks that shouldn’t affect him as much as it does, or at all. “I told them I’d be here, helping out my Principal in _his_ yard, to thank him for helping me deal with Gordon and his douche crew.”

Cas blinks in surprise. Again with the lies. That should _not_ feel as good as it does, Cas knows it shouldn’t and yet he can’t help but embrace the warmth that curls in his stomach. He’s the _Principal_ , he shouldn’t encourage behavior like this. He should tell Dean right now that maybe this isn’t the best idea, that they should stop seeing each other outside of school, that it’s actually inappropriate, considering…

Considering what? For all Cas knows Dean told his parents the truth; his truth. That he’d lie to his friends is one thing (of course Dean wouldn’t want them to know he’s been spending time with the boring Principal), but why would he need to lie to his parents if what he said is the actual truth in his mind? He wouldn’t, simple as that. The fact is that Cas doesn’t know why Dean is doing this, coming here and spending time with him. And the fact that he thought, for even a second, that it could be something other than what Dean just said is actually appalling and Cas should be ashamed of himself.

“That’s good,” he says and manages to keep his voice level. “Now, off you go to your friends.”

Cas doesn’t sleep well that night and in the morning he has decided to start distancing himself as much as he can from Dean, for both of their sake’s.

*****

“All I’m saying is you’ve been so fucking glum lately.”

Cas gives his big brother a slanted look. “And all _I_ was saying is that I don’t need you to accompany me to the grocery store.”

Gabe just grins at him and dances ahead of Cas’ cart, glancing into it like a rude peacock. “Broccoli?”

“Bacon broccoli pie,” Cas answers defensively (and petulantly). He absolutely refuses to tell Gabe why he’s making pie because telling would be acknowledging and he’s not doing that. “Bacon is good for you.”

“I think you meant to say broccoli.”

“That too.”

Gabe blinks at him and then snorts out a laugh. “Seriously though, what the fuck’s been up with you?”

“Nothing,” his answer is too grumpy for his brother to let it go, of course, but Cas will hear none of it.

He pushes his cart slowly, focusing on all the things on the shelves that he certainly doesn’t need in a desperate try to escape this conversation. The truth is that he of course is feeling at odds because of one Dean Winchester. His decision to distance himself from the boy seems the most prudent one but it’s hard. And not so much because they see each other at school, they never did have much contact there anyway, aside from Dean getting in trouble and he hasn’t done that lately.

No aside, from a friendly smile (which seems friendlier nowadays), Dean pays Cas no heed at school and Cas does the same, content with the relationship they have there. Dean coming home to him, on the other hand… Well, that’s always been out of Cas’ hands so it’s hard to avoid the boy other than outright telling him not to come anymore and Cas is not quite at that point yet.

But the truth is that the visits have always been in Dean’s control, mostly since Cas of course can’t just show up at Dean’s house without the boy’s parents wondering and because they haven’t exchanged phone numbers. Although, when Cas thinks about it, Dean does have Cas’ number since he insists on having his private number listed alongside his work phone on the information sheets all students are given at the start of each year. So if Dean has been a good student and brought that home to his parents he _does_ have a means of contacting Cas and has chosen not to. Or maybe he hasn’t realized it?

Cas doesn’t know what to think of it and has long ago decided not to bring it up because it makes him sound like a desperate fool, doesn’t it? Why would he want Dean to call or text him anyway? They’re supposed to be _ending_ whatever this thing between them is, not escalate it beyond the already ridiculous proportions.

Anyway, the point is that Cas thinks he’s doing the right thing but the truth is that it’s kind of out of his control to enforce his own newly made rules, without him being sterner than he wishes. And anyway, in the whole time since the apple-picking-incident (let’s be honest, it’s only been a week), Dean has only come to visit him once and Cas hadn’t even had to pretend that he was going out because he had already been late for a dinner date with Meg.

Dean had been visibly disappointed but understanding, though that didn’t make Cas feel better. In fact, he’d felt so bad about turning the boy down that he is starting to fear he might not be able to push Dean away as needed.

“It’s fine,” Dean had said with a boyish grin. “It’s my fault for not calling ahead.”

Which of course led Cas to believe that the boy _did_ know about his number but he hadn’t had time to ask about that because he was literally standing in the door, prepared to leave. But oh how he had wanted to ask, had wanted to cancel on Meg, something that had never happened to him before. Many lovers had left him because he had prioritized his friend over them but in that moment he’d hesitated so hard Dean had given him a soft look, assuring him that it was okay.

And damn, it had had to be okay because Meg needed Cas then, having had a bad time at work and an even more disastrous Tinder date. She’s fine now, of course because she is and always will be the Bounce Back Queen, but still.

Seriously though, maybe _he_ should get on Tinder. Maybe all he needs is to fuck someone hot and get certain _things_ out of his system? It’s a basic, animalistic urge and he hates that he is sometimes ruled by it but damn, he is only human after all. And though he’s relatively certain that Dean is simply hanging out with him for the fun of it (or possibly to get a shoe in with the Principal because let’s face it, Cas is not _that_ fun) he can’t help where his mind wanders.

Dean is a brilliant boy and he is very attractive. And somehow, scarily enough, the fact that Dean is Cas’ student is getting more and more enticing by the day, as if (crazily) the taboo makes it better. To be completely honest, if Cas had met Dean somewhere else he would absolutely be flirting with him, he can at least be man enough to admit _that_. Because Dean is funny and handsome and—here.

Dean is _here_.

Cas swivels so hard it’s probably more conspicuous than if he had just continued walking normally but his body moved on its own in a desperate hope to get away. Because holy hell, he can’t be walking around here thinking about flirting with Dean in a bar and at the same time bump into the boy. The _boy_. And worse, from the looks of it, the boy’s mother.

Instead, he shamefully hides in the cereal aisle, staring so hard at the packages they’re probably in danger of catching on fire. And of course that’s where Gabe finds him. Cas is ashamed to admit he didn’t even realize his brother had left his side in the first place, he was so caught up in his own thoughts.

“I didn’t know you ate cereal?”

Cas doesn’t, he eats homemade bread with a thick coating of honey because he likes to pamper himself in the morning.

“I’m debating it,” he mumbles, nape prickling with the knowledge that Dean is somewhere in this store. 

What is he even doing, acting so shamefully? Other than how odd it is for a student to want to hang out with school faculty they have done nothing wrong. It’s Cas’ thoughts that are at fault and no one knows about those aside from himself.

“All-Bran, though?” Gabe sneers at the innocent package and reaches to pick Cas’ reading glasses from on top of his head and clumsily push them on Cas’ nose. “I’d say go with the Cocoa Puffs.”

Cas slaps Gabe’s hand away and rights his glasses. “That’s way too sugary.”

“Says the man who eats honey every day.”

Cas momentarily forgets to be appalled at himself and turns to be appalled at his brother instead. “Honey is _good_ for you, Gabe. It contains—”

“I don’t need to hear it, jeez,” Gabe laughs, holding up a hand to stop Cas’ on-coming rant. “Anyway, I’m ditching you now, I have a hot date with Kali and you have…” he gestures at the cereal. “This. So you have fun with that and maybe later you can have _other_ kinds of fun,” he says that just as he throws a package of condoms in Cas’ cart. “Lord knows you need it, bro.”

Cas is too shocked that Gabe picked up on the exact same thing Cas himself had been thinking about for him to come up with a proper rebuke. Instead he just stares down at the condoms (which he doesn’t need, he has his own stack at home thank you very much) as Gabe leaves, cackling on his way out.

He ends up staring way too long and is ultimately practically ambushed by Dean as the boy and his mother turn into the same aisle as him, accompanied by a dark-haired beauty.

“Cas!” Dean waves like a maniac even though they’re only a few feet apart.

“Hello, Dean,” Cas has to force himself to sound normal because God knows he’s feeling the urge to flee. Dean comes up to him, close enough that it almost feels as if the boy was about to hug or kiss him and Cas finds himself turning towards him, accepting it. He’s _such_ a fool… “And Mrs. Winchester too, good day.”

“Oh please, call me Mary,” Mary Winchester says, smile charming and Cas most definitely knows where Dean gets his looks from. Mr. Winchester is handsome too, objectively, but Dean’s softness definitely comes from his mother. “You’ve helped us with Dean enough to have earned that right.”

Dean looks down at the floor, clearly pouting and it’s too adorable on a grown boy like him.

“It’s nothing,” Cas says, waving it off because truly; it’s only his job and he takes great satisfaction in seeing his students safe and sound.

The woman beside Mary makes an inquisitive sound and Mary smiles knowingly at her before motioning at Cas.

“This is Castiel Novak, the Principal at Dean’s school. And this,” she touches the woman’s arm. “Is Pamela Barnes, a good friend of the family.”

“ _The_ Principal Novak?” Pamela says, tone suggestive enough for Cas to know they have been talking about him at home. His neck prickles again and he resolutely does not glance at Dean as he shakes her hand when she offers it. “You didn’t tell me he was this handsome, Mary,” she looks appreciatively at him and Cas can easily concede that the look makes him interested as well.

“That’s because John’s always been in the room when we’ve discussed things regarding school,” Mary laughs, shaking her head and Cas can’t help but smile.

“Please,” Pamela practically purrs and Cas becomes very aware that they’re still holding hands. “Call me Pam.”

“It would be my pleasure.”

They’re all startled when Mary’s cart makes a racket and they turn big eyes on Dean, who’s holding onto it with a white-knuckled grip.

“Sorry,” he snarks in a way Cas is intimately familiar with, having listened to many students who are thoroughly unwilling to apologize for their actions. “I tripped.”

His eyes are hard as rocks as he looks at Cas and Cas only then realizes how he’d turned at the sound, hand out as if he was prepared to catch the boy.

“Are you okay?”

What a _stupid_ thing to ask. Cas wants to kick himself.

“Sure,” Dean smiles widely but his eyes are still hard and Cas’ stomach churns with a sudden need to fix that, Pam forgotten. “Anyway, watcha shopping for? Dinner?”

He steps unnecessarily close to Cas to look down into his cart and Cas catches himself wishing he could lean down to snuffle against Dean’s soft-looking hair. The realization that he doesn’t find it rude of Dean to look while he only minutes ago had been annoyed with his own brother for doing the same hits him about the same time as the realization that not only Dean, but Pam and Mary too, must be able to see the gaudily colored condom package.

“Dean,” Mary practically yanks the boy back, laughing a little nervously. “That’s rude.”

“I’m making bacon and broccoli pie,” Cas mumbles, eyes glued to Dean’s face as the boy’s eyes widen. He licks his lips as if in anticipation of saying something but Pam interrupts the moment.

“So you’re handsome _and_ you can cook, what don’t you have, Mr. Principal?”

“Ah,” Cas smiles to smooth over his clearly odd behavior. “I’m terrible at cleaning windows. And you can call me Castiel, you too Mary. I let the students do it if they wish.”

To be quite honest he only said that to draw attention away from the fact that Dean had called him Cas. Sure, the boy’s parents know that Dean has been over at Cas’ to help him out in the garden but still, the nickname seems too familiar to Cas in this case. Also, he _does_ let students call him by his first name, that basically no one does is another thing.

“That sounds good, Castiel,” Pam says, her smile charming and inviting and Cas wishes he could be drawn in by her blatant flirting. “I have to say, Mary has told me a lot about what Dean’s been through and we’re all very grateful for your help. With a Principal like you I’d almost be tempted to have kids of my own.”

“Well, I wouldn’t say—”

“Mom, didn’t you say we needed to get home before dad today?” Dean interrupts loudly and when Cas looks at the boy Dean is resolutely staring at his mother.

Pam puts her hand to her mouth, clearly trying to hide a smile, and when Cas looks at her she meets his eyes and winks. He feels as if she knows something that he doesn’t and he would like very much to ask about it but can’t at this moment, or maybe ever.

“I guess,” Mary says and looks at her wristwatch. “Although I have a feeling we’ve already blown that. We should get going, though. I’m sorry, Castiel.”

“Of course,” Cas smiles politely. “You have a nice day.”

“You too.”

Pam gives him a sweeping look as they turn to leave, clearly checking him out again, but she doesn’t say anything else and Cas finds himself grateful for it.

“So,” Dean is looking down at the floor when Cas turns to him. “You have a good day too, I guess.”

Cas can’t help himself and reaches out to put his hand on the boy’s shoulder. “Dean…”

“I’m sorry I’m weird,” Dean blurts out and runs off before Cas can say anything.

He’s left standing there, in that damn cereal aisle, unsure of what actually happened. Well, one thing’s for sure and that is that he won’t be able to turn Dean away if the boy comes to visit him again, not after this meeting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [MasterOfEvilMonkeyness](https://masterofevilmonkeyness.tumblr.com/) drew this absolutely stunning piece after being inspired by last week's chapter and I just love it 😍 this pic also inspired a little story of their own and if you feel inclined to do so, you can go read it on their tumblr in the original pic post 😄


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time for the "Drunk confessions" tag! 😆  
> And some Casturbation because it's New Year's Eve and though plot has taken the front seat in this fic I had to give you a little something 💖  
> So, now that I've spoiled most of the chapter, I wish you a happy read and an even happier New Year! Fuck knows we all need it... We're rooting for you, 2021, **don't** let us down 🔪🔪🔪
> 
> Sincerely,  
> your zation~~~

Dean looks a bit sullen when Cas comes to answer the door. All week during school Dean had almost shied away from Cas and though he doesn’t know what, Cas is sure it’s because of something he did or said during their impromptu meeting at the grocery store. Dean had been upset then and Cas has been itching to ask why (and if the boy feels better) but has been unable to get a word in without actively calling Dean to the Principal's office and that seems mean when the boy hasn’t actually done anything wrong.

Yet again, Cas finds himself wishing Dean would utilize Cas’ phone number and only barely stops himself from looking up Dean’s in whatever roundabout way he can come up with. In the end he figures it’s for the best anyway, because he _has_ been meaning to distance himself and now the job seems done.

But now here Dean is at Cas’ doorstep and Cas can honestly say he has hated the thought of never seeing the boy privately again.

“Is this a bad time?” Dean asks his shoes and Cas finds just about everything about this boy way too charming.

“Not at all, come in if you please,” he gives Dean a big smile when he looks up to finally meet Cas’ eyes and it seems to calm him.

Dean is wearing a leather jacket that’s clearly too big on him and Cas finds himself helping the boy out of it without even asking first. Dean seems similarly comfortable around Cas and doesn’t even question the gesture.

“I have leftover apple pie,” Cas says and gestures Dean into the kitchen. “It’s two days old but I think it still holds.”

Dean looks like he just won the jackpot. Last time Cas made a pie, Dean had all but wolfed down the whole tray.

“Golden Delicious?”

“Yes,” Cas gestures for Dean to sit at the small breakfast table. “I’ll give the Granny’s a few more weeks. We’ll have them for Halloween if nothing else.”

Shouldn’t have said that… Cas berates himself silently as he prepares the pie to be heated in the microwave. He _shouldn’t_ encourage Dean to continue coming here.

Dean makes a delighted sound when Cas puts the reheated pie down in front of him and he digs into it with gusto, complete with moans that are orgasmic enough to light Cas’ gums on fire. Cas forces himself to turn away and brew some coffee for himself, hand only shaking slightly. For Christ's sake, yes he’s a man in his prime but he has better control over his libido than _this_.

“So,” his smile is probably strained. Dean looks at him with those pretty eyes and Cas can practically _feel_ his soul being damned to hell. “I’m glad you came over, it gives us a chance to talk.”

Yes, way to make it worse for himself… Why _not_ bring up stuff that would take them precariously close to his indecent thoughts? Way to go Castiel.

Dean’s eyes darken and he looks down at his mostly empty plate. “I’m sorry about last time,” he mumbles, catching Cas completely off guard. “Has… Um, has Pam contacted you? I think mom was going to give her your number but honestly?” he looks up again, eyes defiant in a way familiar to Cas. “I don’t think she should, not without asking you first. That’s like, a violation of your privacy or something.”

A thought strikes Cas, and it’s an ugly one. “It’s fine,” he says slowly, watching Dean for a reaction. “My number is listed anyway, it’s not that hard to get hold of.”

Dean’s acting in the grocery store had been (now that Cas thinks more rationally about it) showing classic signs of jealousy. It _could_ be that he, as a child, wanted his parent’s attention for himself. But no, Cas knows for sure that’s not it.

“I guess if you’re fine with it,” Dean mumbles and takes a bite of his pie. “Just sayin’, you don’t have to be nice to Pam just because she’s our friend. She can be pretty pushy, y’know?”

Pam had been flirting with Cas, Cas had not refused her advances, and Dean had been jealous. Cas feels dense that he hasn’t realized it sooner.

“Dean?” he waits until Dean makes eye contact, stomach churning in a way it has no right to do. “Are _you_ interested in Pam?”

Dean stares at him in horror and Cas thinks with a sinking feeling that yes, he certainly hit the nail on the head this time.

“What?” Dean almost chokes. “ _No_!”

“Why not? She’s a very beautiful woman.”

Oh this explains so much, doesn’t it? Dean avoiding him during school, no more friendly smiles for Principal Novak, Stealer of Women, of course.

Dean splutters for a moment, floundering for what to say. Cas sips his coffee silently.

“She’s _Pam_.”

Cas’ eyebrows shoot up his forehead. “I don’t know what you mean by that.”

Dean almost looks a little green around the gills and Cas is starting to think that maybe he has misunderstood after all?

“I’ve grown up with her as… As an aunt,” Dean clears his throat, almost as if to get a bad taste out of his mouth. “She’s not related to my mom but they went to high school together with Ellen and they’ve been friends since forever and… That would be like asking me if I wanna bang _Bobby_.”

Cas takes another sip, the coffee tasting better and better by the second. “Is that another friend of the family?” he certainly finds it interesting that Dean himself brought up the possibility of sleeping with a man, even if it was to make a negative comparison.

Dean rubs his hands down his face. “Yes, dad’s old army buddy. Look, I don’t fancy Pam or something, she’s my _mom’s_ age.”

Ouch, Cas can’t say that jab doesn’t sting and he reflects silently that though there is no reason for him to feel sad about that, he still does, same as he felt about the prospect of Dean being jealous over Pam flirting with someone else.

“Well,” he puts his coffee down on the table. “I suppose I didn’t think about that.”

Dean looks contemplatively at him and Cas pretends he has to right his coffee mug. “Not that the age matters,” Dean mumbles after a while. “It’s just… I can’t see her like that since me and Sammy grew up with her, y’know? She’s not blood but she’s family.”

Cas smiles, placated even though he has no right to feel a need to be. “That’s nice.”

“Sorry if she was being too much,” Dean purses his lips and Cas has to physically force himself not to stare. “I mean, I know mom has said some nice stuff about you and why wouldn’t Pam be interested? Like, you’re smart and delici—you look good and whatever,” Dean sinks down on his seat a little, not meeting Cas’ eyes and Cas has so many questions because it sounded as if Dean was about to say that he looks delicious and what is that about? But the boy barrels on, eyes glued on his plate. “And you had your glasses on and I dunno…” he shrugs as if that should explain something. “Guess she was helpless.”

“My glasses?” Cas asks dumbly, even though he a moment ago had so many other questions.

He reaches up but remembers that they’re in his office and not on his head where he usually leaves them when they’re not needed. Cas actually has pretty decent eyesight, just a slight problem with farsightedness that makes it hard to read without glasses.

“Yeah,” Dean looks at him as if Cas should _know_ what this is about. “Wait, you don’t even realize how insanely good you look in them?”

Cas is pretty sure he’s blushing like a prepubescent girl talking to her crush. “Those hipster things?” he tries to snort the compliment off, wholly unprepared on how to take it. “My brother told me they were fine but I only picked them because they were cheap enough.”

“Well you do,” Dean mumbles, looking down again. “Look good in them, I mean.”

There’s a short silence in which Cas does his best to collect his mind. He’s an academic, for Christ’s sake, he can’t be this swept away by a simple compliment.

“I'm glad you came today,” he manages in the end, voice more level than he thought it would be.

Dean smiles with his whole face; his whole body. “Me too. I love your pies, man. And I mean, I know you’ve got lots of stuff to do… Adulting and such.”

Cas laughs, feeling elated for some reason. “I suppose that’s true. Today I was thinking of watering my lawn since it’s been unusually warm lately but I can’t seem to get the sprinklers going. I think it’s busted,” he can’t help but keep smiling when Dean looks so attentively at him. “So I guess I better adult my way to the hardware store and buy a new one.”

“Maybe we can fix it?” Dean looks so excited Cas wants to kiss him, no use denying that anymore. “Dad’s been saying I’ve got a good head for mechanics, maybe we can do it together?”

“That sounds nice,” sounds better than anything Cas can imagine at the moment. “I’ll get my tool box then, the sprinkler is in the shed out back.”

“On it,” Dean beams and practically rushes from the kitchen, only to return a second later, sheepish. “I forgot my plate.”

He dutifully takes it to the sink, scraping the last pieces into his mouth before washing it off and putting it in the dishwasher, and Cas can barely stop his heart from beating out of his chest. This is so dangerous and bad and completely delicious.

_“Just like Dean thinks I am.”_

Cas shouldn’t think about that, shouldn’t pursue the thought, but of course he can’t stop himself. Because honestly, if Dean hadn’t been jealous about Pam flirting with another man, then what had he been jealous of in the grocery store? The answer seems painfully obvious now and yet Cas can’t allow himself to reach for it.

An hour later the sprinkler is working perfectly and Dean is in Cas’ living room, wearing Cas’ clothes because of course the boy had managed to get himself completely sprayed with water and of course Cas had offered him some of his own clothes while Dean’s went in the dryer.

“It’ll only be about 40 minutes,” he says as he returns from the washing room, only to find Dean struggling with the length of the sweatpants he’s now sporting. “I guess they’re a bit long on you?” he smiles and goes to kneel in front of the boy before Dean can protest.

“I… Yeah.” Dean wobbles when he stands on one foot and he puts his hands on Cas’ shoulders to steady himself.

Cas has to make quick work of folding the pants when he realizes what kind of position he’s put himself in. Because his face is at the perfect height for—

“Do you want something to eat while we wait?”

Dean mumbles something about eating that Cas doesn’t quite catch and then smiles when their eyes meet. “I told you; I’m a growing boy, I’m always hungry.”

“I guess you did say that,” Cas laughs and gestures at the couch. “Make yourself comfortable while I make us a snack.”

“Yes, sir,” Dean quips playfully and oh God, that just makes everything worse.

Cas practically flees to the kitchen and he can only hope Dean was sufficiently distracted by the TV to not have noticed.

“Get yourself together.” He opts for quick sandwiches but only because they’re easy to make and not because he doesn’t want to waste time away from Dean (it’s the latter). “It’s not _that_ special.”

But it is, though. It _is_ special to see his crush wearing his clothes. Cas is a grown man and yet he’s never really been in this situation before. Past lovers being bigger than him or the occasion never arising. In any case it does things to his lizard brain to see Dean like this and—hold up.

Cas turns to look at his barely there reflection in the kitchen window. He’s not “crushing” on Dean. Crushing is for younger people and if anyone here is crushing it’s Dean. On Cas.

Cas pinches the bridge of his nose. “No one is,” he mutters slowly, breathing deeply to calm down. “ _No one_ is.”

He manages to get himself under control during the time it takes him to make the sandwiches and when he returns to the living room he even manages to suppress his arousal at hearing Dean moan about the taste of the food. See, everything is fine and under control.

*****

Everything is _not_ under control. By the week before Halloween Dean has been over almost every day of the week and Cas feels like he’s having a midlife crisis. Of course, Meg and Gabe are thoroughly unhelpful with how funny they seem to think everything is and Cas is about ready to rip out his own hair.

“Someone’s crushing on the Principal!” Meg’s way too loud when she’s drunk.

Cas has his face in his hands, the loud music in the pub they’re in thankfully drowning out most of her depravity.

“And who wouldn’t? Cassie is like, _super_ hot.”

Cas turns appalled eyes at Gabe. “I don’t want to hear that from _you_.”

Gabe just shrugs, grinning. “Face it, though. You’ve got some jailbait after you and honestly I’m surprised this is the first time.”

Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t, Cas wouldn’t know. He pays his students a lot of attention, but never _this_ much attention. Dean is just… different.

“I’m going home, you’re both insane.”

Just as he’s leaving Gabe and Meg start chanting about Cas and X (since he won’t reveal Dean’s name) sitting in a tree and kissing and Cas thinks he’s done with the bar scene for a while.

Really, he shouldn’t have told them because they only treat it as a joke and who wouldn’t? Grown 40-year-old men don’t have teenagers nosing after them, not unless they’re filthy rich and God knows Cas isn’t. Also, they don’t see the true danger here, namely that Cas has realized by now that _he_ might actually be the one crushing on the boy. Though it’s fine, he thinks, as long as Dean is in fact not interested back (and he doesn’t seem to be?), they’re _fine_.

In the end Cas just thinks he’s being ridiculous about this whole thing because Dean _isn’t_ interested in him and even if he was, Cas wouldn’t be acting on it anyway. He goes home feeling conflicted and annoyed, and so very done with himself.

When he comes home it’s to a dark and depressingly empty house and he goes to sit on the couch, thoroughly fed up with everything at the moment. And of course as soon as he sits down in the silence his mind starts to wander to all the times spent here with Dean instead. Cas wishes his mind would go to the wine evenings with Meg, the movie marathons with Gabe.

But it goes to sitting shoulder-to-shoulder with Dean, watching Hell’s Kitchen and eating cup ramen. It goes to Dean laughing when Cas doesn't understand the rules of Basketball, it goes to sharing an ice cream because Dean ate his too fast and still wanted more.

And it goes to Dean sitting here, smelling nice, in Cas’ clothes. His scent is still in them, not much because he didn’t wear them for long enough and Cas’ laundry detergent overpowers most of it, but enough that Cas can feel it if he puts his face against the fabric. Which he has.

He sighs and leans his head back against the couch, sliding down in his seat and spreading his legs a little. Closing his eyes is a mistake because images of Dean immediately flood his mind and he finds himself eagerly reaching for them.

Smiling, pouting, frowning, he eagerly recalls all those things Dean does with his mouth that always draws Cas’ attention and makes his blood boil. His dick fills out slowly, edged on by Cas’ mere memories and it feels so good to let go, to let the dam burst. He shouldn’t but he wants to and damnit, his thoughts are still his own. He’s been doing well, been doing the right thing keeping to himself as much as he can, and he deserves a treat. It’s probably because of the few beers he had at the bar earlier, but at this moment he doesn’t really care why his mind is loose, all he cares about is encouraging the arousal thrumming through him.

He presses his head harder against the couch, hands fisted against his thighs as he rolls his hips up. Slowly, his hips undulate as if seeking friction and he breathes out shakily as his dick jumps in his pants, trapped and well on its way to full hardness without him even touching himself.

For a moment he loses himself in the fantasies of Dean. He allows himself to see the boy not as a boy, or his student, but as a man. Strong and broad-shouldered, mind just as fascinating and attractive as his body. Cas is man enough to admit that he’s always been weak for the chivalry type and Dean, though crude sometimes, certainly possesses that quality.

Fuck, Cas just wants to hold him.

He moans a little breathlessly as he imagines Dean in his lap right now. Suddenly he’s not rolling his hips up into nothing, seeking pathetic friction against the inside of his own pants. No, he’s fucking slowly up into Dean’s willing body, the other man straddling him as he rides Cas’ hot and hard dick.

The Dean in Cas’ mind throws his head back on a deep moan just as Cas cups his dick. It makes him groan and grind up against his own hand and he can’t contain the urge to touch his bare skin any longer. His dick is throbbing and ramrod straight when he manages to wrestle it out of his pants and underwear, and he grips the base tightly, spreading his legs as far as he can while still trapped by his clothes.

He blinks down at himself, eyesight blurred and head sluggish from arousal as he starts stroking his dick with quick flicks of his wrist. Even though he’s got his eyes open, he has no problem imagining Dean still here, not now when he’s so deep into the fantasy. His panting fills the silence of his house and he aches to hear Dean’s accompanying moans as he drives deep into the man.

Slow, fast, any which way Dean would like it, Cas would give it to him. His toes curl and he slows down when he feels his pleasure crest almost painfully. A blob of precome bubbles up and he rubs it in with two fingers. Pressing in against the slit and down over the frenulum, the slick feeling is intimate and arousing all on its own and a wave of heat travels through him.

A thin string of precome sticks to his fingers when he removes them but it breaks off as he brings his fingers to his mouth. He wants to be a silly romantic who thinks his lover’s come tastes the best but the truth is that over the years he has learnt that basically all spunk taste virtually the same. With that in mind, it’s easy for him to imagine he’s licking up Dean’s spend instead of sucking on his own. And while the taste of his lover might not mean much to him, the _act_ of tasting them means a whole lot and arouses Cas like nothing else.

His dick quivers with need as he takes a moment to suck on his fingers, tongue twirling between them as he imagines sucking on Dean’s dick. God, if Dean would sit on Cas’ face and let Cas eat him out it would probably make Cas come untouched...

He starts stroking again when the need overwhelms him and his strokes are impossibly fast now, his hand a blur as he gasps and pants, other hand gripping the couch harshly. He spills not long after, come landing all over his chest as he curls up, dick shooting hot and hard and good God, even though he comes so much he still somehow ends up feeling more flustered than when he began.

The horrified guilt crashes over him when he realizes what _exactly_ he did here and it follows him like a storm cloud, making his sleep fitful.

*****

“And then he has the nerve to imply that me being a prude might have been what scared off guys, can you imagine?” Meg makes a face as if she’s swallowed a whole lemon. “ _Me_ , a _prude_?”

Cas takes the opportunity to fill up her wine glass. They’re having one of their bi-monthly shrimp cocktail evenings, which is to say they use a bowl of shrimp as an excuse to drink white wine in Cas’ living room while watching reality shows. It’s one of Cas’ happy places, really.

“He clearly didn’t know what he was missing.”

The episode of America’s Got Talent is paused, set to the side when Meg received a text from one of her dates. A, apparently, rather dreary guy that made Meg go off on a spiel that Cas kind of enjoys. Meg is feisty and he likes that.

“I know, right?” she shakes her head and takes a sip that’s big enough to be called a mouthful. Yeah, either she’s staying the night or Cas is calling her a cab. “So I told him. ‘Listen, darling’,” she closes her eyes briefly and breathes in deeply. “‘This ain’t working for me, _darling’_.”

“And he took it like a gentleman?”

Meg gives him a look like he just started speaking in tongues. “ _No_ ,” she shakes her head again. On the coffee table, Cas’ phone lights up with an incoming call and when he glances at it he doesn’t recognize the number. “He totally went off on me, you have to read his texts, this dude is mental.”

Cas picks up his phone, frowning at it. “He didn’t harass you, did he?”

Meg pokes her face over to look at the phone screen. “You gonna get that?”

“It’s probably just a telemarketer.”

She shrugs and he accepts her silent suggestion and swipes to answer the call.

“Castiel Novak speaking.”

There’s a stretch of silence and Cas frowns at the room at large while Meg fiddles with her own phone. Well, “silence” isn’t wholly correct, he hears a lot of sounds. People talking, music, and he’s almost starting to think someone pocket dialed him when the person on the other end speaks up.

“Cas?”

Cas’ body does that weird thing when a heat wave goes through him even though he’s not a menopausal woman.

“Dean?”

“Um, yeah. Hi.”

So he was right and the boy _did_ know he had Cas’ number. But more importantly…

“Is something wrong?”

Because otherwise, why would Dean call, right? Cas gets up and meets Meg’s now slightly concerned eyes. He shakes his head at her and bends to unpause the episode and she nods, understanding.

Dean chuckles a little nervously and Cas presses his phone to his ear as he walks out of the living room, for some reason going as far as sitting down in his home office instead. He can tell himself that it’s because he doesn’t know how long this call will take and he doesn’t want to disturb Meg. He can tell himself that all he wants and it still won’t make it the real truth.

“No…” the boy pulls in a breath, as if rearing to say something and Cas (like the dumbass he is) actually leans forward. As if Dean is physically here and Cas needs to get closer to hear better. “I actually just dialed you by accident.”

To say that Cas is crushed is a clear overstatement, but only barely. “Oh. Well, that’s fine. As long as nothing’s happened to you.”

“Not really,” Dean mumbles and it sounds as if he’s walking further away from the ruckus in the background. “I was just gonna call mom and tell her that I’ll be staying with Benny tonight. We’re…” he lowers his voice even more and Cas holds his breath. “We’re at a Halloween party. Well not really, but since Halloween was in the middle of the week I guess we’re doing it now.”

It almost sounds like a secret and Cas wonders if it is, if “staying with Benny” is only a cover. “Is that so?” 

Also wonders what Dean might be getting up to at parties.

“Yeah, at Bela Talbot’s house?” he says it almost as if it’s a question and Cas is about to call him out on it before he realizes that Dean is asking if he knows who Bela Talbot is.

“I bet no expenses were spared, then.”

“I s’pose.”

Warmth curls in Cas’ stomach when he hears Dean’s mumble so close to his ear. He’s a shameful man but he’s had two glasses of wine and he’s in a good mood.

“But I still expect you to be responsible,” he lowers his voice into a slow murmur. “Will you be good and behave yourself for me?”

Dean makes a very interesting noise and Cas flexes his unoccupied hand.

“What… What you’d do if I didn’t?”

Cas pulls in a sharp breath, body flaring hot again, more intensely now. “Are you asking me to punish you, boy?”

It’s almost a moan, what comes out of Dean, and Cas strains to hear more of it. “I dunno, maybe I-I’d—” there’s a loud sound in the background and suddenly the noise of the party is much louder again, as if someone opened a door.

“There you are,” Cas recognizes Charlie Bradbury’s cheerful tone even through Dean’s phone. “You’re missing out on the beer pong.”

“That’s fine Charlie, I—”

“How is it fine?! I _need_ a win, Winchester. _Gilda_ is here, okay? So come on, look alive soldier!”

“Charlie…”

Cas shouldn’t feel so good about Dean clearly wanting to choose him over his friends but he does. He feels really goddamn smug about it and it’s absolutely the reason why he interrupts now.

“You should go, Dean,” he smiles out to his empty office to really make himself sound normal and happy. “Your friends are waiting for you. Just please promise me that you’ll drink responsibly and don’t drive.”

“Yeah, of course,” Dean mumbles and he sounds a little despondent. Cas’ stupid brain mostly focuses on how obedient the boy is and yes, it’s clear to him that he needs to stop drinking for tonight.

They say their goodbyes and when Cas returns to the living room, Meg immediately pauses the episode again, looking up at him.

“Woah,” she blinks, looking surprised, which in turn makes Cas surprised. “I was just going to ask if everything is okay but damn, Cas,” she looks him up and down and he sits down quickly, not trusting his body. “Was that the world’s quickest booty call or what?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean,” she purrs and scoots closer when Cas obviously fails hard at being nonchalant. “You look flustered enough to set the couch on fire.”

Cas contemplates his options for about point five seconds and then practically flings himself against the back of the couch, in a very uncharacteristically dramatic way.

“My God, Meg, what am I going to do?”

“What?” Meg sounds awfully sober all of a sudden. “What’s wrong?” she moves to rub his shoulder and he looks up at her, probably looking more pitiful than a man his age should.

“Remember I told you and Gabe about that student of mine last week?”

“The jailbait?”

Cas frowns and it makes her smile run off, a serious expression coming over her. “Yes. His name is Dean and I think… Actually I don’t know what to think, only that I…”

His stomach knots itself. He can’t say it. But of course he doesn’t have to say it, Meg is his best friend and she immediately knows.

“Oh Clarence,” she murmurs. “Wanna talk about it?”

He shouldn’t (there’s not much to say, really) but he wants to, so he does.

*****

Cas is rather rudely awoken at precisely 02:08. He knows the time because the blaringly red numbers of his alarm clock is the first thing he registers as he pokes his eyes open. He’s on his side in his bed, Meg having left hours ago.

They’d talked some, probably more than Cas should have but definitely less than he had needed and Meg had promised him that they would resume this conversation when she was more sober. He had also made her promise not to tell Gabe about Cas’ inappropriate crush on his student because even though Gabe means well he’s kind of a trickster and Cas doesn’t need this to garner any more attention than necessary.

The fact that he had felt tongue-tied when pressed about Dean and his accompanying feelings was difficult enough because Cas doesn’t get tongue-tied, normally. Knowing Gabe, this would turn into a big Deal™ and Cas really doesn’t need or want that.

He blinks sleep out of his eyes, trying to understand what has woken him when his doorbell rings long and loudly. He all but rolls out of his bed, barely catching himself on his feet as he stumbles through the house in nothing but his sleeping tee and boxers.

His first thoughts of course go to the most awful. Before he has reached the door he has concocted a scenario in which both Meg and Gabe have been in an accident and it’s clearly the police on the other side coming to ask him to identify their corpses and oh my God, why don’t they have their sirens on? At least the lights? Then he would _know_ and could act accordingly and—

It’s not the police.

“Dean,” Cas rushes to grasp the boy’s upper arms when it looks like he’s about to topple over. The street outside is quiet and dark but Cas scans it anyway, irrationally fearing someone lurking in the shadows intent on pouncing on the boy. “Are you okay?”

Dean stumbles inside and leans heavily on Cas when he turns to close the door. The boy’s body is warm and his scent is pleasant but more than that, it’s muddled with something familiar.

“I’m fecking fantastic, Cas.”

Alcohol. It’s strong on his breath and his speech is slurred. Cas breathes out and relaxes marginally.

“Drunk, are we?” he mumbles amusedly and steers Dean towards the living room. “Was the party fun?”

“I guess,” Dean slurs and grabs Cas so harshly that he tumbles down on the couch beside the boy when Dean all but falls down on it. “Woulda been more fun if youda been there.”

“If Yoda had been there?”

Dean laughs out loud, so carefree and beautiful that it makes Cas smile broadly too.

“No, _you_ ,” Dean lolls his head to the side to smile dopely at Cas and yes, it completely makes Cas’ heart flip like a dumbass. “Woulda been so fucking rad if you’d been there. We would drink and _dance_ …”

“I don’t think the students would have much fun with the Principal around,” Cas says, shaking his head with a smile. He is stopped from getting off the couch when Dean grabs his arm.

“Do you dance, Cas?”

“I…” he’s completely taken by surprise by the question.

“Like,” Dean squeezes Cas’ arm, almost as if he’s testing the give of the muscle there. “Not like a real dance or nothin’ but like…” his eyes are intense when he looks up to meet Cas’ gaze. “Like slow dance. Like movin’ together. Do you do that?”

It kind of feels like Dean is talking about something else. “I guess I do…” he answers slowly and watches with rising apprehension how Dean’s eyes glaze over.

“You’re so fucking handsome, Cas. Do you know that? Half the fucking school wants to bang you.”

Cas wants to vehemently protest that but can’t get a sound out since his brain is stuck on the fact that _Dean_ thinks he’s handsome.

Dean reaches out with his other hand and scrapes his blunt fingernails through the scruff on Cas’ cheek. “So goddamn hot, you have the bluest eyes. And your jaw and your _mouth_ ,” Dean moans a little, submissive and absolutely wonderful and Cas can’t believe his ears.

“Dean,” he murmurs, gently grasping Dean’s wrist, stroking his thumb over the fluttering pulse.

“You’re so perfect, Cas,” Dean whines and presses closer, eyes droopy with sleep now, and Cas has to force himself not to close the distance. “So fucking smart and funny and _sweet_. You’re so sweet, you know that?”

Cas closes his eyes momentarily, gathering his wits. Can all of this really be true, has Dean been thinking all these things since the beginning? Maybe… Maybe he hasn’t been hanging out with Cas just to get in a good word with the Principal, or because of some contrived guilt trip. Maybe he truly enjoys Cas’ company and maybe (judging from Dean’s murmured confessions now) he’s actually interested in Cas?

“So perfect,” Dean moans, turning his wrist in Cas’ lax grip so that he can paw at Cas’ chest. “So perfect for me. Not Pam or… Or anyone,” Dean’s eyes are absolutely stunning and positively begging. “For _me_.”

It’s with immense difficulty that Cas manages to extract himself from the boy. But the smell of Dean’s breath had helped Cas sober up, which is in a way tragically hilarious since it had reminded him of just how drunk Dean had to be.

 _“Don’t listen to it,”_ he tells himself as Dean whines pitifully at the loss of contact. _“He’s drunk, absolutely drunk off his ass. He doesn’t know what he’s saying, or who he’s saying it to.”_

Chances are, Dean isn’t even going to remember this conversation in the morning and actually Cas is praying for that because if he does, and if he wants to talk about it, Cas isn’t so sure he can be noble and resist anymore.

When he pulls Dean off the couch, the boy makes a delighted sound but he thankfully remains otherwise quiet and Cas can see that Dean is on his way to fall asleep. He has many questions but for now he just ends up leading the boy to his bedroom and removing his shoes to tuck him into bed, Aspirin and a glass of water on the nightstand. Dean doesn’t say anything else the entire time, nor does he try to pull Cas into the bed. Instead he just rolls with it and is asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow.

 _“See,”_ Cas thinks as he pushes his fingers gently through Dean’s soft hair. _“There’s even a chance he doesn’t even know where he is.”_

Cas is at least glad Dean came to him and didn’t end up sleeping somewhere unfamiliar. He goes to find a bucket to put by the bed in case Dean needs to vomit and then he goes to sleep as best as he can on the couch, mind jumbled and body shamefully heated.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay you guys, in this chapter we will see a short text conversation between Cas and Dean (yes, I used a fake texting app again 🤣), and I know phone numbers in Lawrence, Kansas don’t look like the one I used (I think they actually start with (785)? but correct me if I’m wrong), but I used the number Dean used in the episode "Home" because basically I chose _canon feelz_ over realism and I’m not even sorry lmao! Please forgive me? 💖
> 
> Also, prepare to up the pace, things are about to go down! (please remember the "underage", "miscommunication", and "Cas overthinks things" tags lol)

The next morning Cas wakes up at a godawful hour and he feels as if he’d had much more than those two simple glasses of wine the evening before. He smacks his lips unattractively and rubs his eyes hard with the heels of his hands. He groans involuntarily when he sits up, body feeling beaten and battered and his head throbs unpleasantly.

_“Getting too old to sleep on the couch,”_ he thinks grumpily and then immediately forgets every ailment when he remembers why he’s on the couch.

He pads silently down the hall and over to his bedroom. The door is slightly ajar, and he can’t remember if he left it like that or not but when he pokes his head into the room he finds Dean in bed just like he left him. The bucket remains unused and the water and Aspirin are still there too. It almost looks like Dean hasn’t moved. He’s breathing heavily and evenly and Cas smiles to himself, turning to collect a pair of sweatpants and his slippers before quietly leaving the room, door still ajar.

He putters about for a while, tidying up after his and Meg’s evening, cleaning the kitchen, having some breakfast, texting for a while with Gabe, declining a lunch meeting with Meg, pretending he has to catch up with some work emails before Monday morning. All in all, he’s being very productive but wholly unable to forget about the sleeping teenager _in his bed_.

Oh he does his best to distract himself from thoughts of Dean, of what he had said and of the fact that he’s sleeping in Cas’ bed, all warm and vulnerable. He ends up remembering too much of Dean’s heated words and warm body, pressed so close to him, and finds himself wanting to jerk off but doesn’t. Instead, he sneaks past Dean to the master bathroom and takes a quick shower, colder than how he usually prefers it.

He kind of hopes the sound of the shower will wake Dean up but of course it doesn’t, and Cas is forced to stay in the limbo of uncertainty. Does he wake Dean up or does he wait? Will the boy remember what happened last night or not? And if he doesn’t, should Cas remind him? Cas has so many questions and so many feelings about this whole thing that he ends up channeling his energy into being productive around the house instead.

He considers going out into the garden but feels reluctant to be outside if Dean wakes up. He hopes the boy won’t be sick, at least, but fears he might be considering how drunk he had been last night. Because let’s face it, he had to have been pretty goddamn drunk for him to say such things to Cas, whether he had meant them or not.

In the end he does a quick trip to check on his beehives and then returns inside again. He’s done preparing them for winter and by now only has to do routine checks for parasites and feed the bees and it’s thankfully easy work.

By noon he decides to start making lunch, which for him usually would be something like a sandwich or a salad but today ends up being pancakes and bacon. He feels confused by the choice but not overly surprised, considering.

He’s so focused on the stove that he doesn’t hear Dean coming into the kitchen until the boy clears his throat. Cas whips around, spatula in hand and with a probably undignified shocked stare.

“Good morning,” he presses out (even though it’s clearly the middle of the day) and Dean shifts from foot to foot.

“Mornin’,” he averts his eyes and Cas realizes he’s uncomfortable and of course he would be, he probably doesn’t remember why he’s here and to be honest, Cas doesn’t know why himself either.

“How are you today?” he has to turn back to the skillet when the scent of half-burnt pancake reaches his nose. It’s salvageable but barely so. He puts it on a different plate so Dean won’t eat it by accident.

“I’m… I mean yeah, I’m fine, just…”

Dean is frowning down at his feet when Cas turns back to him. “No hangover?”

“Not really? I didn’t drink that much.”

That’s clearly not true, he was drunk as hell and Cas wants to call him out on it but he doesn’t detect any lie in Dean’s tone or his facial expressions. Maybe the boy has a lower tolerance for alcohol than Cas gave him credit for or maybe he is still young enough to be able to bounce back after a good night’s sleep. Speaking of…

“Did you sleep well?”

“Why was I in your bed?” Dean blurts it out so fast it’s almost one long word.

Cas blinks at him for a moment, deciphering the question, before he turns back to the skillet under the guise of needing to continue cooking. But really, he just needs to hide his face. It’s clear why Dean is asking that question, because even if Dean doesn’t remember coming here, he probably wouldn’t have felt half as confused if he had found himself on Cas’ couch.

“Because you fell asleep standing and I wanted you to be comfortable.”

“I’m…” the kitchen chair makes a scraping sound when Dean takes a seat at the breakfast table. “Sorry I came here in the middle of the night.”

Cas’ neck prickles with the knowledge that Dean remembers at least some of last night. How much, though? How much of his own hushed confessions can the boy remember now in the harsh light of day? And how much does Cas actually _want_ him to remember? Thinking of his own inappropriate feelings and personal promise to end this, he should be thrilled if Dean ends up remembering nothing. He really _should_.

“I’m not,” he says curtly, tone upbeat. “If not at home with your parents, then this seems like the second best option for you to end up in my opinion,” he turns around with a genuine smile. “You’re safe here, Dean, and I’m glad it seems you feel the same.”

Dean blushes furiously, which is not something Cas is used to seeing and it catches him off guard in a delicious and dangerous way.

“Well yeah,” the boy mumbles, looking down again. “I mean it’s _you_ , of course I’m safe.”

Cas’ heart feels fit to burst but he’s not acknowledging that. “In any case, I’m glad you’re feeling well because I’m making you lunch, and I would like for you to eat something before going home.”

“Hell yes,” Dean exclaims and Cas smiles, endeared by the boy’s enthusiasm. “Pancakes and… bacon?”

“Yes, I was thinking about IHOP’s breakfast menu and…” he suddenly feels silly. It’s _lunch_ , after all, and if Dean wanted IHOP Cas could have just gone and bought him some. Or maybe the boy could have had some on the way home. And it’s not like Cas is a cook even comparable to an actual restaurant…

“Breakfast of champions, dad always says,” the excitement in Dean’s tone is palpable and makes Cas relax.

He wonders distractedly what’s wrong with him, other than how freaking _aware_ he is that he’s getting ridiculously attached to an underage boy, one of his _students_. Cas is usually not a shy or cowardly man. Somewhat socially awkward, perhaps, but Meg always says it’s in an endearing unicorn way (which is hard to tell if it’s positive or not). He doesn’t usually act like he’s been acting around Dean lately, though.

He’s just thrown off kilter by what Dean said last night, that’s all. For heaven’s sake, the boy had called him perfect, who _wouldn’t_ be affected by something like that? And that coupled with the phone call they had earlier in the evening and the fact that Cas had been prepared to admit to having a crush to Meg, well then it’s just a recipe for disaster waiting to happen.

Dean makes an adorable little peep when Cas puts down a plate loaded with food in front of him and the boy immediately digs in, cheeks bulging when he shoves food in faster than he can swallow. Cas wants to tell him to take it easy, wants even more to brush his fingers through Dean’s hair again, wants to kiss—

He shuffles back to the stove to fix himself a plate as well, going to put both milk and orange juice on the table for them to drink.

“Cas,” Dean suddenly chuckles, swallowing so fast he almost makes himself cough. “Cas, what the fuck?”

“What?” Cas goes to pat Dean on the back when the boy keeps laughing and coughing.

“Why are you wearing _grandpa_ slippers?”

“I’m…” Cas looks down at his normal house slippers, lifting one foot a little. “I’m not?”

“Yes you totally fucking are,” Dean laughs louder. “That’s so fucking cute, the slippers and your glasses and Jesus fucking Christ, Cas.”

Cas can’t help but be affected by Dean’s carefree laugh, even if he’s practically being mocked. “Well, they’re comfortable.”

“You should have [bee slippers](https://www.slippers.com/p/plush-bee-indoor-slippers/), they would look so good on you.”

Cas refuses to acknowledge the fact that Dean thinks anything would look good on him, instead going to sit across from Dean. “There’s no such thing.”

“Sure there is,” Dean grins. “Fat and fluffy and comfy. Perfect for you.”

Like Cas apparently is perfect for Dean? The question is at the tip of his tongue, burning him, but Cas swallows it down before he can make a fool of himself.

“I’m sure they would be.”

“How are your bees by the way? It’s getting cold.”

They lapse into a comfortable conversation where Cas ends up talking absolutely too much about his bees and Dean sits across from him, smiling slightly while eating almost all of the pancakes. He walks Dean to the bus stop, but only after offering his shower for the boy to freshen up. He wants to give Dean one of his t-shirts to wear after he has cleaned himself but Dean refuses, saying it would look weird if he came home with other clothes, considering he hadn’t exactly packed an overnight bag when he left for the party.

And since Cas has no good arguments other than sleazy ones about wanting to see Dean in his clothes again, he just agrees and sees the boy off with a smile, completely aware of how odd this whole thing has become. He needs to nip it in the bud and as much as he hates to admit it, it means actively speaking to Dean about keeping away from each other. It’ll hurt, but not as much as unrequited love can hurt.

He’s not quite there yet but God knows he’s close enough to scare himself, as evidenced by how desperately he later humps his own mattress, face pressed against his pillow as he fruitlessly tries to breathe in as much of Dean’s lingering scent as he possibly can.

*****

Cas is ashamed to admit that it’s now 7:30 on this Tuesday evening and he still hasn’t answered Dean’s query from earlier today. He should tell the boy not to bring anything because Cas isn’t planning on being social. He’s simply calling the boy over to have a conversation about why they can’t have private conversations anymore. Cas is so screwed...

He sits on his couch and feels ashamed of the fact that this is the first time he’s used Dean’s number since the boy called him on the Halloween party and he didn’t even open the conversation by apologizing for using it without permission. Dean seems unfazed, though, and Cas takes comfort in that. The boy had even smiled at him at school, despite Cas not replying before they all went home for the day.

He deliberates whether to actually save Dean’s number or not but settles on not, as he has done the four other times this topic surfaced on the pile of guilt trips he’s having. He wants to, but saving it means he hopes or wishes or expects more from Dean. If only more texts or calls, Cas shouldn’t hope for anything. He’s sufficiently ashamed that he hasn’t just deleted Dean from his call list and now even used the boy’s number for this text, he doesn’t need to add to the hurt by saving the actual contact.

“Unless…” he bites his lower lip, thumbs moving on their own as he taps through the process of saving Dean to his contact list. Only to change his mind and tap the little X in the upper left corner.

_Do you want to save the changes?_ his phone asks him, and it feels like a cold shower. His left thumb hovers over “Keep editing” but he’s saved from his struggles when his doorbell rings and his right thumb slips on “Ignore” all on its own. Dean’s contact is automatically deleted, and his phone exits the app.

He stares dumbly at it for a moment before locking his phone to go answer the door.

“I thought you needed a pick-me-up and—holy shit, Cas,” Meg purses her lips, looking at him with sympathy.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” he states curtly and walks back to his couch. The couch he slept on while Dean slept in his bed. His bed, _Cas’_ bed. Cas had to change the sheets not only because he’d soiled them with his release but because he was scared he would do it again if he didn’t get away from Dean’s scent. “I’m a creep.”

“No you’re not,” Meg snorts and follows him, dropping a pack of pork rinds in his lap. “Has anything changed since we talked last?”

Cas stuffs his face for a moment, ignoring the disgusted grimace Meg makes. She hates pork rinds and the fact that she picked some up just for him is testament to how bad he must have made it sound last they spoke. He feels bad for not being able to make it better.

“Dean came to visit me after you’d left.”

“He _what_?” her tone is entirely too amused.

“He was drunk off his ass. Told me I’m… Well it doesn’t matter, he said a lot of things he obviously can’t mean and that he doesn’t remember and then he basically passed out. I put him in my bed and slept on the couch.”

“God,” Meg laughs, hiding her face in her hands as she leans back. “This is like the best love story ever told. It’s got _everything_.”

“Meg, please,” Cas looks at her with sad eyes and she immediately stops laughing. “He’s coming here on Thursday and I’m going to tell him to keep away from me, I might even tell him why, and I’m…” he sighs, looking down at his pork rinds. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Cas…”

“Tell me more about that guy who called you a prude instead,” he puts a whole handful in his mouth and chews noisily, anything to distract himself.

“I hate that dude,” Meg mutters and pulls out her phone, tapping into the Tinder app. “But look at _this_ hottie.”

Cas almost forgets about Dean for a moment and instead has fun with his best friend, going through her dating options and listening to her ranting about bad and good dates alike. He doesn’t sleep very well that night, Thursday looming over him, but he does feel comforted in the fact that at least Meg doesn’t hate him for crushing on his student.

*****

“Hiya!”

Dean is entirely too cheerful when Cas opens his door for the boy on Thursday evening. Cas’ heart aches even as he feels his body flush at the prospect of being alone with Dean. Just seeing him in school has been hard enough since he sent the text. Somehow he supposes he had thought it would open Pandora’s box and Dean would start texting him on the regular and he doesn’t know if he’s relieved or disappointed that that hasn’t happened (though it’s probably the latter).

“Come in,” his voice is low, weirdly stiff, and he clears his throat as Dean trots by him.

“You never answered me, so I didn’t bring anything.”

Maybe Dean hadn’t dared continue texting _because_ Cas hadn’t answered him? Dean is boisterous in public but Cas has come to learn that the boy is actually pretty shy and he of course finds that inappropriately adorable.

“It’s fine,” he steps back almost as if burnt when he realizes that his hand has lingered too long after he helped Dean off with his leather jacket. “You don’t have to stay long; I just have some things to speak to you about.”

“Okay, cool,” Dean immediately goes into the kitchen, familiar with Cas’ house by now and it only spurs Cas on. He definitely enjoys Dean’s familiarity too much. “I mean, I don’t have any plans so I can stay for a while, but I guess if you have plans or something…?” he turns to look at Cas with such an open and trusting expression that Cas’ stomach swoops.

Cas knows, realistically, that he’s endangering his job just by telling Dean the truth, but he’s been contemplating the pros and cons about lying or telling only parts of the truth and he has come to the conclusion that he trusts Dean enough to be honest with him, and also that that would be the least hurtful for the boy. Doesn’t mean this is easy, though…

“Dean,” he clears his throat again, leans on the back of one of the chairs, and stands so that the breakfast table is effectively blocking Dean off. “I called you here to discuss a serious matter…” Cas hangs his head when Dean gives him a spooked look.

“Are you dying?”

“What? No,” he smiles unexpectedly. “Not _that_ serious,” he sighs and straightens, rolls his shoulders back. “I would like for you to stop coming here for visits. In fact, we should stop seeing each other in private at all.”

While the words feel like a knife to his gut it’s Dean’s crushed expression that nearly makes Cas’ determination crumble.

“But… Why?”

“Dean,” Cas sighs again, dragging a hand through his hair and getting caught on his glasses. He pulls them off his head and tosses them carelessly on the table and Dean looks like he just burnt the American flag. “I debated not telling you the truth but because I trust you and respect your intellect I will. I’m…” the words are heavy on his tongue. “I find you…”

“What?” Dean asks when Cas can’t manage to get it out, scared of the rejection he’s actually hoping for. The boy rounds the table and Cas backs up against the wall. “You find me what? Annoying? Childish?” Dean is clearly upset because he doesn’t understand what he has done wrong and Cas feels desperate to explain that there’s nothing Dean has done; that this is no one’s fault but Cas’. “What am I, Cas?”

“Attractive!” Cas exclaims, thumping his head back against the wall when Dean’s eyes round out. The boy is too close and damnit, that has to be his natural scent and it’s fucking tantalizing. Cas’ body responds shamefully when he remembers masturbating in his bed with only this scent to accompany him. “You’re very attractive and I’m an old pervert and I can’t anymore, Dean. You need to get away from me, for both of us.”

“No fucking way,” Dean sounds breathless and when Cas blinks his eyes open, he sees a flush creeping steadily up the boy’s neck. Well, he supposes anyone would be uncomfortable hearing something like that from someone old enough to be their parent…

“Yes, so,” he harrumphs, looks to the side and tries to calm himself. “Obviously, this is a very unprecedented occurrence for me, and for you too I bet. And I’m trying to handle the situation with care so if you could just please take a few steps back and—”

Dean does the exact opposite and surprises Cas by jumping into his personal space, face mere inches from Cas’ and good God, he looks so good. A sudden surge of arousal washes over Cas and he’s wholly unprepared for it, gasping softly.

“Or what?” Dean breathes. The air suddenly feels thick with things unsaid where it before had felt cold and drained of life. “Or you’ll jump my bones?”

A fine tremble goes through Cas’ body and Dean’s eyes widen impossibly. “Dean, please don’t make this harder on me than it already is. How do you think _I_ feel, having such inappropriate feelings towards a minor, one of my _students_? I’m trying my best.”

“How long?” Dean almost sounds as if he’s choking and Cas is just about to answer him, but Dean interrupts him by putting a hand on his arm. The touch is scorching. “Never mind, it doesn’t matter. Just as long as you’re not fucking with me.”

Cas’ lizard brain wants to make the obvious pun, but he manages to press on to more important matters. “Why would I? Not about something like this, please Dean, it’s my career and your innocence I’m trying to protect, I would never joke about that.”

“‘M not _that_ innocent, y’know…” Dean mumbles and Cas’ blood catches on fire.

“ _Please_ ,” he rasps, his resolve suddenly hanging on by a thread. He grabs Dean’s shoulders to maneuver the boy out of the way, desperate to put some distance between them before he does something unthinkable.

“I never thought you’d look at me like this,” Dean murmurs intimately. Cas’ hands squeeze the boy’s shoulders, neither has moved an inch and damn Cas to hell but he’s getting hard, dick slowly waking up.

“Of course not, it should never happen.”

“Because I’m just a naive little boy,” surprisingly, Dean looks very proud of himself when Cas meets his eyes. “But I did something right.”

“You’re not naive,” Cas can’t wrap his head around this conversation anymore, what is Dean even saying? And why hasn’t he moved away from the boy?! “What do you mean by right?”

Dean looks at him, thoughtful for a moment. Assessing, almost. “When I started high school I thought you were just an annoying Principal. Like, obviously I saw that you’re handsome as fuck, but you were so…” Dean grins suddenly, pushing Cas’ arousal up a notch. “You were one of the _adults_ , you know?”

Cas does know. “I still am.”

“No,” Dean shakes his head, amused somehow. “I don’t know when it changed but it did,” the look he gives Cas now is smoldering and Cas’ breath catches in his throat. “You’re smart, hot, and you’re so fucking _caring_. I’ve had it bad for a while now, Cas. But since you invited me to your home I…”

Cas wants to kick himself. He’d _known_ already then that taking Dean to his house had been a bad idea. Granted he had thought it was bad for different reasons entirely (had in fact not even been sure why it should feel bad but had known that it was), but apparently it was worse than he had thought. And yet he can’t help but feel a thrum of pleasure at the implications of what Dean is saying.

“Dean…” somehow they’ve migrated even closer even though Cas’ intentions had been to separate them. Dean’s body is trembling slightly and with the boy’s height it would be an easy feat to bend down and seal their lips together. “Dean, are you saying…?”

It’s Dean who initiates the kiss. It’s clumsy and eager and it lights up Cas’ body so fast he almost chokes on it. He’s grabbing the boy before he can think differently and Dean glues himself to Cas’ front, heights almost the same as Dean pushes up to come closer. It makes their knees knock together and that motion in turn makes them break off the first kiss.

_Their_ first kiss.

Cas blinks rapidly, desperate to regain his senses but all he can think of is how beautiful Dean’s eyes look this up close and how his lips are tingling from the kiss. How much he craves more. And then Dean makes a little whining noise that short-circuits Cas’ brain.

He spins them around, pushing Dean up against the wall and sealing their lips again. Dean moans into it, opening up, and Cas eagerly pushes inside. Their tongues slide together, hot and wet and fast, oh everything is going so fast and yet Cas still wants more. Their lips slide together, Dean’s soft and plump, swollen from the kissing and Cas has never felt anything so sweet. Dean is heated against him, body a hard line as Cas grinds into him. 

Dean’s moan changes pitch when Cas gets a knee between the boy’s legs. He surges for the friction and Cas groans, the sound low and guttural, when he feels how hard Dean already is. His own dick is a hard line in his pants but as it usually is for him, his own pleasure is secondary to his lover’s—to _Dean’s_ —pleasure.

They’re panting and pawing at each other, Cas’ hands on Dean’s ass and the boy’s hands in Cas’ hair, anchoring them together. Cas’ head spins with his arousal and it doesn’t take long before he abandons kissing Dean’s mouth in favor of brushing sweet kisses against the boy’s neck and thrumming pulse.

“God, your smell alone,” he groans, pressing his nose against Dean’s hair (just as soft as imagined).

“Cas,” Dean keens, rubbing against him in the pace Cas has set for them, his movements jerky and uncoordinated. “Fuck, I want you so much.”

“Yeah?” Cas feels dizzy.

“Fuck yeah,” Dean moans when Cas puts one of his hands on the boy’s chest. It seems Dean’s nipples are sensitive, and Cas loves that almost too much. “Whole of last year, I thought I was crazy because of it,” he arches up, pressing his chest more firmly against Cas’ wandering hand. “Was worse this year ‘cuz I…” he peeks shyly at Cas when he looks up. They’re still pressed tightly together, faces not even a full inch apart and Cas wants to kiss him so badly, but he also wants to hear this.

“Because?” he prompts softly and is surprised (and pleased) when he feels Dean’s dick jump against his thigh.

“Saw you almost naked this summer,” Dean squirms against him, clearly in need to start moving again but Cas takes perverse satisfaction in holding him still. “By accident, you were at the beach with some woman.”

“Meg,” Cas doesn’t know why he felt a need to specify that, probably because it’s ingrained in his DNA to include Meg in his life. “I told you about her, my best friend.”

“You looked so fucking hot,” Dean moans and Cas chokes again, starts to fear this boy will kill him, one way or another. “Fuck, Cas, you don’t even know how much I’ve jerked it to you. I took a photo,” he almost whispers that last part and Cas’ blood spikes with arousal.

“On the beach?” he asks, breathless. “You’ve used it to pleasure yourself?”

“Y-yeah,” Dean bites his lower lip, clearly aiming to give Cas’ a heart-attack. “Sorry, I know it was wrong of me to—”

“It wasn’t wrong,” Cas murmurs, pressing closer so that he’s speaking against Dean’s mouth, combing his hand through the boy’s short hair so he can cradle the back of his head. “To some it might have been but not to me, I like the thought of you getting off to images of me.”

The dam has burst, that’s got to be it. Where there was guilt and hesitation before there’s only heat now, primal urges and needs taking over and Cas now feels both powerless and unwilling to try and stop what’s happening between them.

“I’ve been popping boners all over school,” Dean whispers in a rasp. “But I just assumed it was because you’re so fucking sexy with your glasses and that frown and…” he rolls his body against Cas’, providing gratifying friction where Cas has denied them. “Everything. But I… I didn’t think I’d actually _fall_ …”

Cas has to steel himself. “Are you saying that you…?”

“Do you just find me attractive, Cas?” Dean interrupts, tone vulnerable now. “Because I get that, I’m just a stupid kid after all, and I’ve been trying to ignore what I feel every goddamn time I look at you but it’s hard. Charlie’s been helping me but—”

“Wait,” it feels as if a cold shower washes over Cas. “Charlie, your friend?”

Dean looks confused when Cas takes a step back. “Yes?”

Charlie Bradbury, Dean’s friend _from school_. Charlie, a child _just like Dean_.

“She knows you come here?” Cas steps out of reach when Dean looks as if he wants to pull him closer. “She knows you have a…” he waves a hand at Dean. “A crush on me?” it feels presumptuous to call it that without Dean having specifically stated so himself but he doesn’t know what else to call it.

“Yeah?” Dean looks a little torn. “And it’s not… Not just a crush…” he mumbles and Cas’ heart stops for a moment.

“Dean,” he’s trembling now but for far less sexy reasons. “We… We can’t do this,” he turns to walk out of the kitchen, mind numb when the realization of what he’d just done crashes over him.

“What?”

Dean of course follows him and Cas isn’t even trying to get away. Truthfully he doesn’t want to, wants, in fact, nothing more than to return to Dean’s kisses and embraces. Why does something that’s so obviously wrong have to feel so incredibly right?

“Don’t you understand, Dean?” he stops in the living room, back to Dean. “It doesn’t matter how much I want you or how much your return my affection. It’s a felony for me to be with you.”

“So you’re saying you’d rather put your career before your happiness?” Dean looks sullen, almost angry, when Cas whips around to face him. “Before _my_ happiness?”

“Of course not,” Cas exclaims and oh how he aches to take the boy into his arms but no, he has crossed the line and he can’t erase those mistakes, but he can avoid making new ones. “I love my job but that’s not what’s important to me at this moment. I could go to prison and more than that,” he takes a step closer before he can stop himself. “Do you understand how young and impressionable you are right now? I would never forgive myself if I did anything to harm you, physically _or_ mentally.”

Dean walks right up into Cas’ personal space, just like he had done out in the kitchen, but this time Cas stands his ground.

“And what if you pushing me away hurts me mentally?”

“That’s not the kind of hurt I’m talking about,” Cas mumbles but he thinks maybe it should be, considering how much this is hurting himself right now.

“I’m not an idiot,” Dean sneers and his anger makes him look older. “I know the difference between actual statutory rape and this. Besides, I’ll be eighteen in barely two months.”

Cas yet again feels his resolve crumble in the face of Dean’s determination. The air between them feels heated, static with sudden anticipation.

“I’d still be your Principal,” he murmurs, and Dean’s eyes snap up to his, drawing attention to the fact that the boy had been looking at Cas’ mouth. The realization makes Cas’ dick wake up again from its waning state.

“Then we’d wait until I graduate,” Dean states, confidence lacing his tone now and Cas feels himself helplessly drawn to it. Dean is going to be a magnificent adult and Cas can’t wait to see him grow.

He startles when Dean brushes their fingers together, body thrumming with renewed arousal.

“I’m…” God, he’s almost vibrating with the need to kiss Dean again. The boy steps even closer, almost as if sensing Cas’ resistance dwindling. “I’m so much older, though.”

“I know,” Dean moans, arms going around Cas’ neck to pull him in. “And it’s so fucking hot.”

It’s Cas this time, these kisses are all on him although he could realistically blame Dean’s general enthusiasm for it too. Their mouths slide hotly together, desperate sounds escaping the boy as he presses closer and good God, Dean’s so _eager_. He uses his tongue cleverly enough to set Cas’ whole body afire with both need and jealousy. Because Dean had said he wasn’t completely innocent, and these aren’t the kisses of a first-timer. Who, then? Who got to Dean first?

Cas growls under his breath at the mere thought of someone else touching the boy, and he hauls Dean closer, stumbling back. They tumble down on the couch when the backs of Cas’ legs hit it and while it knocks the wind out of Cas, Dean just rolls with it and climbs right onto Cas’ lap.

“Fuck,” Cas murmurs, too reminded of the fantasies he had on this very couch not too long ago.

Dean moans sweetly and presses in again, the kisses urgent as Cas encourages the boy to start rolling his hips together with him. The motion is reminiscent of sex and Cas feels pleasure so sharp it hurts flood through him. It pools low in his abdomen and makes him ache all over, his hands can’t move fast enough, can’t touch enough of Dean as the boy wriggles in his lap.

“Cas, fucking hell, _Cas_ ,” Dean throws his head back when Cas grabs his ass harshly. The look on the boy’s face is pure ecstasy and Cas feels a feral snarl on his own face, the need to please the boy so imminent and raw that he can’t hope to disobey. “I want you inside me,” Dean whines, wanton now in his need.

Cas hums, hips rocking up against Dean, their movements surprisingly smooth considering their urge. Cas’ dick is so hard he’s leaking and damnit, he has never really done that with a partner before, barely does it when he’s alone and teasing himself. He dimly recalls precome dribbling out of him when he jerked off to images of Dean too, so maybe it’s the boy who draws it out of him.

“You’d be so tight for me,” he says, voice low and gravelly as he leans in and kisses Dean’s neck again.

The boy clenches his hands on Cas’ shoulders, hips bucking helplessly as Cas digs his fingers in against Dean’s crack through his jeans.

“Do… Do you want it too?”

Dean’s tone of voice is more amazed than vulnerable and that is the only reason why Cas’ mind doesn’t immediately screech to a stop.

“I couldn’t imagine anything better.”

Their movements are slowing down, but feel no less fervent for it. Dean is humping against Cas by himself now, Cas’ arousal spiking with the way Dean squirms in his lap. He needs so much to get his dick out, stroke himself to completion, mark the boy with his release. Or better yet, have the boy come on him as Cas fucks slowly into him.

“But I’m…”

“You’re what?” Cas prompts softly when Dean hides his face against Cas’ neck, body trembling in his arms.

“I’m so big,” somehow Cas knows immediately that Dean is referring to his body and not his dick. “‘M probably gonna be bigger than you.”

Cas breathes out harshly, staving off his arousal for this. Dean’s dick is so hard it feels as if it’s pressing a bruise into Cas’ hip and he has leaked so much precome Cas can feel it through their clothes. But despite all that (and despite the fact that Dean can’t stop grinding into him), Cas feels a need to assure the boy rather than just throw him down and wack off on him.

“That doesn’t have anything to do with topping or bottoming,” he starts as calmly as he can. Dean presses closer and Cas puts his hands on the boy’s hips, guiding him into a faster pace. “You can be stronger and bigger than me and I’d still want to hold you.”

“R-really?” Dean moans breathily.

“Really,” Cas slips his fingers under Dean’s jeans, skating the line. Dean gasps and arches his back so that he presses even closer, humping picking up speed now. “And there’s nothing wrong with you wanting that,” he turns his head, kissing the words in against Dean’s soft hair. “And if you’d ever want to switch, there’s nothing wrong with that either. You don’t have to choose either one forever.”

Dean unglues his face from Cas’ neck, stares at him with wide eyes, pupils so blown that there’s barely any green left, and Cas feels strangled by his arousal.

“You… You’d let me?”

Actually Cas had been speaking in broader terms but of course, he’s been team switch since he first figured out sex.

“Anything,” he cups Dean’s cheek, squeezing Dean’s ass with his other hand. “I’m sure anything with you would feel amazing.”

Dean makes a choked off little sound, body locking up in intervals and he gets a frantic look on his face.

“Fuck,” he presses out. “Fuck I’m gonna come, _shit_.”

He struggles, almost as if trying to get away, and at the same time his body drives into Cas’ and Cas can only smile and hold Dean tightly, wanting nothing more in that moment than for the boy to spill in his pants.

“Yes,” he growls and Dean gasps sharply.

“No but I—oh _fuck_. No, no, no,” he shakes in Cas arms, groaning deep and long as he reaches his climax and Cas hugs him, breathes him in, satisfied beyond belief at feeling Dean like this.

“Good boy,” he murmurs and feels Dean’s whole body jerk one last time before it turns into jelly and the boy relaxes.

“I fucking came in my pants,” Dean mumbles after a while and drags himself into a sitting position. Cas hisses when the change alerts him to the needs of his own hard dick. “And you didn’t even come at all,” Dean looks contrite. “I’m not good at this.”

“You’re splendid, I’m just older…” dread instantly sweeps through Cas at his own words and Dean must sense it because his eyes snap up to Cas’.

“Don’t,” he warns but Cas can’t not.

“Dean, we shouldn’t do this.”

“You said all the right fucking things,” Dean barks, clearly exhausted from the emotional roller-coaster Cas is subjecting him to. “And now you’re taking them back?”

“I shouldn’t have said them from the beginning, I’m just,” Cas leans his head back against the couch, putting a hand over his eyes both to hide and to calm himself. “I’m weak. I want you too much.”

“Then—”

“No,” Cas _has_ to be the stronger one, has to at least pretend to be strong. “No, we need to stop before we go too far.”

“Too far?” Dean climbs off Cas’ lap, movements harsh in his anger. “You made me fucking jizz my pants for you, I think we’ve crossed the line already.”

“You’re right, of course,” Cas reaches for Dean’s hand but the boy slaps him away. “Dean please, you’ll understand when you’re older. We should end this before it gets worse, and never talk about it again. I think we—”

“Don’t worry,” Dean hisses maliciously. “I won’t blab and destroy your _precious_ career.”

“It’s not about that.” God, Cas feels useless. Feels as if he deserves to die because of all the wrongs he has forced on Dean today.

“No, it’s about stupid rules and laws but not about what _I_ want or think, is it?” Dean backs away, face dark with anger. “I get it, sorry for falling in love with you, you fucker.”

Falling in love? But it was just a silly crush, right? Good Lord, Cas is so stupid.

“Dean, don’t leave like this,” he stands up, intent on sitting the boy down and talking this out.

“I can’t stay here with you,” Dean shakes his head and backs up even more, moving towards the front door. “Besides, you don’t even want me here. You’ve made up your mind. Fuck, and I came here thinking we’d…” it almost looks as if he’s about to cry.

Cas _wants_ to die now. He did that, he put that expression on Dean, even though he was so sure he was doing the right thing pushing the boy away so he _wouldn’t_ be sad.

“At least wash up before you leave.”

_That_ was clearly the wrong thing to say and in hindsight Cas knows how it came out (nothing like what he had intended).

“Oh sure,” Dean’s face immediately twists with renewed anger. “Wouldn’t want the neighborhood to wonder why I’m walking around with soiled pants, right?”

“Dean—”

The boy is too fast, running out of the house and slamming the door so hard the pictures on the walls rattle.

Cas is left standing there feeling like the biggest asshole in the world and though his rational side tells him he made the right choice, even though the execution might have been bad, the rest of his body and soul tell him he just made the biggest mistake of his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omfg Cas, REALLY???  
> Well, yes, because sometimes he has to be the obstinate one, apparently 🤣
> 
> I hope y'all had a good start to the new year and I hope it stays good!  
> Best wishes from zation, your friendly neighborhood smut provider 💖💖💖


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please enjoy this chapter filled with angst, smut, more angst, anger… In short, strap ~~on~~ in for one hell of a jam-packed chapter because the pace just went from 0 to 60 and I'm not looking back, bitches! 💖

Almost three weeks later Cas is still feeling like shit and it shows in his mood as he spends the worst Thanksgiving of his life together with Gabe and Meg and some other friends.

He just can’t get Dean out of his head. The way the boy had looked at him last they spoke, the way Dean absolutely refuses to look at him now. Going to work has become an exercise in torture as he practically runs through the halls in the hopes of not bumping into Dean. Granted, the student body of Lawrence High is relatively big, but Cas can’t afford to take chances, not since that first time when Dean changed the direction he was going just to avoid Cas and effectively ripped his heart out.

He’s been over what happened a thousand times in his mind and he could go over it a thousand times more and he would still come to the same conclusion. Namely that what he had done (aside from the sexual stuff) had been right, and that it still felt like the worst thing he has ever done.

In the end he feels as if he’s just making everyone miserable and he leaves the party early, citing a sudden spout of illness as an excuse. Gabe had been worried, expressed by his lack of teasing throughout the evening, but Cas had left without much of an explanation. Mostly because he didn’t know what to say since he hadn’t spoken much to Gabe about Dean since that time in the bar, but also because he simply didn’t want to voice his woes and make them even more palpable.

Meg comes by later, though, eyes full of worry.

“You don’t have to cheer me up,” he mumbles and invites her in by stepping back to make room. It’s well past midnight and they haven’t been texting but of course she would know he hasn’t been able to sleep.

“Shut up,” she counters briskly and walks in, comfortable in his house in a way similar to Dean. Only it had taken Meg and Cas a lifetime to build that trust. With Dean it had simply happened naturally over a short period of time.

And then Cas had broken the trust. And the comfort. And Dean.

“Cas,” Meg reaches for him when he freezes up, one hand on his neck as she hugs him.

“The worst part is how he pretends I don’t exist,” Cas rasps pathetically. He’s not crying but he can’t breathe properly either.

“It’s to defend his heart,” she states without even knowing everything that was said between them. Maybe they had been too obvious after all.

“I wish he’d be angry.”

“I bet you both wish a lot of things,” there’s no malice in her words and yet Cas is as hurt as he is comforted by them.

“Maybe I-I shouldn’t have…”

“You did the right thing.”

Deep down, Cas believes she thinks the opposite but it’s impossible to tell if that’s just because _he_ thinks the opposite or not.

She ends up spending the night, sleeping beside him in his big double bed and providing comfort by her mere presence. A warm body to reach out to when the cold darkness of the night presses too close.

*****

After all the hustle and bustle with Christmas and New Year’s (which Cas handled better than Thanksgiving), it almost feels good to get back to school and the normalcy of work. Almost, but not quite, because school means seeing Dean again and Cas knows he won’t be able to take it.

Not after once again bumping into the boy and his mother at the grocery store and the way Dean looked at him then. He had wanted Dean angry, rather than distant, and he had wanted the boy to look him in the eye, to make him feel _seen_. But he hadn’t been prepared for how it would feel to have that piercing gaze on him. It’s now obvious to Cas that he is far from over Dean and that yes, he is also in love and not just suffering a mere crush.

The thought of how fickle teenage romances can be has Cas skulking through the corridors and jumping at every sound. 

“Are you okay, dear?” Mrs. Moseley asks him seriously during lunch on the first day since the students came back to school. “You look like your lover cheated on you.”

Cas snorts his tea so far up his nose it feels as if his brain suffers second-degree burns. “I’m—what?”

Mrs. Moseley pats him on his arm and hands him a napkin. The faculty break room is thankfully mostly empty and he manages to mop up his spill before he stains his shirt.

“Did something happen over the holidays?”

“No,” Cas looks at the woman, her eyes knowing in a way that should be unnerving but has always comforted him. “No, I,” he sighs and slumps back in his seat. “I’m in love with someone I can’t be with.”

“Why not?”

Okay, maybe they’re a bit _too_ knowing… 

“That’s… Well, the point is that I’m feeling bad because we had a discussion about the reason, and we don’t see eye-to-eye on it.”

Mrs. Moseley hums in that way of hers and starts eating her chicken stew again. “And I suppose you just barreled ahead with your reasoning?”

Cas stares at her but he’s not really shocked by her audacity, not after all these years. “They know I’m right,” he almost has to force the words out. “But I’m feeling bad because I… I didn’t handle it well. Maybe, if I had been more delicate, we could have still been friends and now we’re… Not.”

God, the truth burns like acid in his throat. Two months without Dean’s visits have really taken a toll on Cas’ psyche, no matter how much his closest friends and family have tried to cheer him up. Meg has been spending more nights but not even her presence is enough and they both know why. Cas had hoped the distance would make his feelings cool down but apparently it’s only making them even more unbearable.

“Don’t you think you should tell _him_ that and not me?”

Cas has never told anyone at school about his fluent sexuality, not because he’s ashamed but because he knows how some people can react and he doesn’t want to subject the students to the potentially negative backlash. Now, as he looks at Mrs. Moseley (not even feeling surprised that she figured out he was talking about a man), he starts feeling as if he’s just repeating the same mistakes over and over.

If he’s not ashamed of who he sleeps with, then why does he hide it for society’s sake? And why, if he truly loves Dean, can’t he just come out and say so? At least to the boy.

“I wish it was that simple,” he murmurs, has to clear his throat, and looks down at his sad lunch. 

Mrs. Moseley is quiet for a moment and then Cas feels the warmth of her hand as she puts it back on his arm. She doesn’t say anything more and he’s glad for it, taking comfort in her silent support as they finish lunch quietly.

The first time he sees Dean in the corridor Cas pivots so hard he almost smacks his face against the lockers to his right. Several students stare at him, clearly having had a scare. Dean gives Cas his most displeased face and Cas realizes that he’s not ready for this. 

He’s completely in love with the boy (who, for the fucking record, somehow seems to have grown up over the holidays) and he can’t bare to see him and not hold him. Memories of what they shared on Cas’ couch flood his mind and he squeezes his eyes shut against the pain in his heart before stumbling away, ignoring students who call out to him to offer assistance. 

This continues for the better part of the week and Dean of course grows tired of it because why wouldn’t he? Before the break it was Dean who avoided Cas, but he did it by not even deigning Cas with a glance, Cas does it by acting like a bumbling buffoon and he wonders what brought this side out of him. The answer is of course crystal clear but Cas refuses to acknowledge anything. Meg calls him an idiot and Cas can do nothing but agree.

It’s a bleak Thursday when Dean decides to confront Cas. Conveniently enough for the boy, Cas is occupied with tacking up various posters on the announcement board and so he’s completely unaware of the ambush. He startles badly when Dean comes right up to him and leans against the board.

“Hey, Principal Novak.”

Cas breathes in deeply and refuses to look at Dean, mostly for fear of what he could possibly be persuaded to do with only a glance, but also because he can’t take the angry stare Dean throws him nowadays.

“Mr. Winchester.”

“Can I have a word?”

“Haven’t you already?” he mumbles, faking immense concentration on getting the poster _just_ right.

“Cas,” Dean hisses, voice lowered as he leans in. “Can we be fucking adults about this?”

Cas leans his hands against the board for a moment. “Dean, please, there isn’t much to be said that hasn’t been brought up already.”

“You won’t even look at me.”

“Because I can’t,” Cas snaps his head around, tone biting and equally low. Thank God they’re mostly alone in the corridor. “I know I fucked up, Dean. I know things between us are bad because _I_ made them so, but I can’t undo it and even if I could there’s nothing that we can…” he swallows when he sees Dean’s eyes darken. “Nothing we can do.”

“We could at least be civil, not go around head-banging lockers to escape looking at each other.”

The jab hurts, more than the bump on his forehead had hurt. “You wouldn’t look at me at first either.”

Dean looks like Cas just clubbed a baby seal to death. “Because you broke my fucking heart,” he growls, stepping closer, getting right up in Cas’ face and shit, that’s too close.

Cas’ mind starts pinging with warnings at the same time as his body lights up at the prospect of having Dean and his heavenly scent this up close.

“What’s different now?” he wants to kick himself for asking that, what a fucking tool he is…

“What’s diff—” Dean breathes in deeply, clearly trying to calm himself and God, Cas has to get away. “I fucking miss you, that’s what.”

Cas takes a small step back. “Please don’t.”

Dean’s eyes are like lightning, the green somehow seeming brighter with his anger. “You’ve missed me too.” He states and Cas feels the foundations of his precious walls rock.

“Stop it,” he whispers, looking away to try and steel himself.

“I won’t,” Dean presses and Cas steps even further away, desperate to put distance between them or he might do something stupid. “I know you’ve missed me, I saw it on your face when we met in the grocery store.”

So that’s what changed things… Cas has always been good at hiding his emotions, until Dean apparently. “Dean…”

“I’m standing right in fucking front of you and you’re missing me right now, aren’t you?” his voice rises with his mounting anger and Cas turns on his heels, walking away, unable to cope with the accusation or Dean’s forceful tone, not when he’s so clearly right and Cas is so clearly inadequate.

He doesn’t get far before Dean catches him by his arm. “Answer me.”

“Dean,” he yanks himself free, but the rest of his argument sticks in his throat when he realizes that they’re causing a scene and a small group of students are looking at them. “Come here,” he snaps, grabbing Dean’s upper arm and yanking him into the Principal’s office. 

Mrs. Moseley raises an eyebrow but doesn’t say anything and Cas doesn’t spare her more than a glance. Hopefully she interprets his grim expression as just another troublesome student, Dean has been in his office quite a lot before, after all.

“The fuck, Cas?” Dean slaps off his hand as soon as they’re alone. 

They’re standing close, both almost panting for some reason, as if they’d had to walk far to get in here or as if they’d been running here. Neither is true and though Cas knows his own reason for his elevated pulse he refuses to assume the same for Dean, although the boy is looking at him with eyes he knows all too well.

“You have to stop this.”

“Stop what? Being honest?”

Dean’s angry pout should be annoying. Him pressing for this should be annoying. Cas should be annoyed. 

“Don’t you understand?” he says softly, though his voice is too rough with the tension between them, and steps up to Dean, putting his hands on the boy’s upper arms. “Of course I would like to stay friends with you but I can’t… I can’t even be left alone with you for fear of what I might do.”

Dean sucks in a breath and looks as if he had hoped but not dared believe Cas would say something like that. 

“Cas,” Dean’s voice is tight with arousal all of a sudden. “Are you trying to push me away because you don’t want me, or because you don’t think you _should_ want me?”

“I think…” he squeezes Dean’s arms once, almost unconsciously. “I think the answer to that should be clear by now.”

“Good,” Dean murmurs. “Then this won’t be sexual assault.”

“What won’t?”

Dean surprises him by pushing right up against him, pressing Cas back so that he ends up leaning against his desk as the boy kisses him, strong arms wrapping around Cas’ neck and shoulders. And good God, that _strength_ alone. The force of it knocks Cas’ reading glasses off kilter but he doesn’t bother righting them, too caught up in reciprocating.

He moans openly into the kiss, eagerly licking into Dean’s mouth when the boy opens up for him. The kisses are searing, pleasure shooting through him at every lick, every slide of their tongues, the way their lips press together. Cas opens up his legs and Dean immediately slots between them, their crotches rubbing together and making sparks fly behind Cas’ eyelids. Dean moans too, hands grabbing harshly at Cas to keep him close as Cas puts his own hands on the boy’s ass.

And everything, for the first time in _so long_ , feels right again. Dean _needs_ to be in Cas’ arms, he belongs there, Cas’ whole being is telling him this and he almost wants to weep with relief and probably would, if it wasn’t for the fact that Dean is sliding down to his knees, unbuckling Cas’ belt and opening his pants.

“Dean, what?”

“I’ve wanted this for so long,” Dean says breathily, hands warm as they fish Cas’ hardening dick out of his underwear. “I ain’t gonna be good.”

He’s glorious. Everything about him is the best Cas has ever had. 

The way Dean’s lips look wrapped around his swollen dick, the way they _feel_. The look of pure rapture on the boy’s face, his little sounds of pleasure, the way he swirls his tongue around the head. Cas has to grab the edge of his desk to keep from falling down when his knees buckle as Dean attempts to deep-throat for probably the first time. He chokes a little and Cas has never been so hard in his life.

Fine tremors travel over his whole body, heat and cold washing over him intermittently. He’s so desperate for more and yet he yearns to stay in this moment forever. Dean has his hands on Cas’ thighs, supporting himself as he bobs his head up and down, trying to find a rhythm. His mouth is so hot around Cas, scorching, and Cas feels his arousal pool low in his abdomen; feels how it lights his spine on fire. 

He’s pent up, hasn't really been masturbating lately beyond the absolute necessary jerks in the shower now and then, and he feels it now. It rushes up against him, strangling him, and he needs Dean so much. The boy not only holds Cas’ heart and sanity, he’s also clearly in possession of Cas’ body and libido.

Cas’ legs shake with his impending orgasm and Dean looks up at him, eyes absolutely brilliant and it strikes Cas then, that what he wants more than his own completion is Dean’s. Cas has always been more about pleasing his lovers than taking his own pleasure and he feels the need so sharply now that he makes a strangled sound and grabs Dean by his neck.

The boy relaxes, almost as if he wants to be manhandled and yeah, Cas is about to come alright. But to Dean’s apparent surprise, Cas uses his grip to push the boy off. He grabs a few napkins off the holder on his desk and pulls Dean up, spins them around, pushing the boy to sit on the desk’s edge just as he kneels himself.

“Cas? What?”

Dean sounds absolutely marvelous like this. Voice low and gravelly not only from arousal but the slight abuse to his throat. Cas uses one hand to pull harshly on his tie’s knot and whip it over his head just as he flicks Dean’s jeans open with practiced ease. 

Dean slaps a hand over his mouth when Cas pulls his dick out only to swallow it whole. Dean’s average, bordering on big, and Cas loves how full his mouth feels. Dean’s whole body jerks when Cas sucks hard on him, deep-throating easily and using his tongue to press against the throbbing vein on the underside, digging the tip into the slit at the top.

“Fuck, Cas,” Dean gasps, sounds muffled by his hand. “Fuck you feel so fucking good, I—” he whimpers when he apparently can’t stop his hips from bucking against Cas’ face and that’s the last straw for Cas.

He takes his hard dick in hand, stroking a handful of times before he spills into the wad of tissues, Dean’s dick as far down his throat as it can go while he shakes out his orgasm. 

“Oh _shit_ ,” Dean hisses out, both hands gripping Cas’ hair hard. “You fucking liked that?”

There's so much astonishment in his voice that Cas manages to pry his eyes open, looking up at the boy with a tender expression.

He pulls off with a pop, keeping Dean’s dick against his lips as he speaks. “I like to please my lovers,” he rumbles, smiling when Dean’s mouth drops open. “I get off on it.”

“Cas, holy _fuck_ , I need…”

Yeah, Cas knows exactly what Dean needs right now and he doesn’t even hesitate to dive back in, taking all of Dean and letting the boy hump his mouth. Dean’s obviously trying to keep his noises to a minimum and Cas feels a ridiculous amount of affection surge through him. 

He’s still holding his dick and the soiled tissues in one hand, but he uses the other to pull on Dean’s tight balls and he delights in how full they are. Heavy and tight, they rest nestled against Dean’s body and the boy responds wonderfully when he touches them. He wishes dearly that they were somewhere where he could hear all of Dean’s sounds, suddenly starved for it, and he feels immense pleasure whenever Dean accidentally lets something slip. 

“I’m gonna come,” he rasps when Cas sucks hard on him, hollowing his cheeks. “Fuck, get off Cas.”

Cas doesn’t want to; wants everything of Dean. The boy pushes on his shoulders but it’s clear that it’s a losing battle, though Cas feels renewed arousal at watching the boy struggle to stave off his climax. What a sight that would be. Dean tied up on Cas’ bed, face red and streaked with tears of frustration as Cas edges him throughout the night.

“Cas!” Dean ends up grabbing Cas’ head hard, actually pressing him so close his glasses end up askew on his nose. “ _Fuck_ , I—”

He comes so _much_ and so hard. Pump after pump and Cas catches it all, mouth filling with it and yes, the taste is what it’s always been (spermy) but the knowledge that it’s _Dean’s_ actually does make it better and Cas swallows with a content hum. 

“Fuck you swallowed it,” Dean sounds somewhere between distressed and impressed. “It’s okay, I’m clean, I’m a virgin, it’s okay.”

Cas smiles, rises to stand in front of Dean and tucks them both into their pants. The boy seems to have lost his strength and he sags against the desk, affording Cas a droopy smile when he sees Cas’ own.

“It _is_ okay,” he says and rights his glasses. “I trust you and I like to…” he trails off, licking his lips as he looks at Dean, that familiar dread and guilt seeping in for no apparent reason at all. He _trusts_ the boy? Like the boy trusts him? Lord save him, Dean’s a _virgin_ and Cas just...

But Dean is here, Dean wants this, Dean initiated this. 

“You like to what?” Dean says, leaning back against the desk, one eyebrow arching suggestively and no. No, no, no.

“Dean,” Cas’ voice breaks on that one word, hand trembling as he cards his fingers through his hair. “What did…”

Dean frowns, immediately serious. “What’s wrong?” he hops off the desk but Cas steps away from him, rubbing a hand over his mouth slowly. “Cas?”

“You need to leave,” Cas feels dizzy. “I-I really _can’t_ be left alone with you.”

“Cas,” Dean’s tone is sharp and he’s angry when Cas looks at him. “ _I_ did this. I went down on you first, clearly _I_ can’t be trusted alone with _you_.”

“All the more reason for you to leave,” Cas whispers, throat tight with how wrong his words feel. But it’s the right choice, isn’t it? He can’t be with Dean, that’s just ridiculous to think about. He doesn’t even deserve to be in the same town as the boy, clearly too driven by his primal urges. Like a beast. 

“Cas, don’t you fucking do this to me—”

Cas steps up to the door, hand on the handle. “Please leave,” there’s a beat of silence and Dean doesn’t budge. Both of them jerk when Cas opens the door. “We are done here, Mr. Winchester.”

Dean stares at Cas as if he can’t believe this, as if Cas has just betrayed him. And maybe he has, in fact, Cas feels certain he has. To be honest, if Dean was to go around telling everyone about what has happened between them Cas wouldn’t even blame him at this point. He’s no longer doing this to save his job or the susceptible young minds of his students. He’s doing this to save Dean from Cas; from a lifetime of regret.

Dean leaves without a sound and Cas wishes the boy would have screamed at him, slammed the door, broken furniture. The silence is deafening. With time he hopes Dean will understand although he doubts it. Cas is after all older and he barely understands what’s so wrong with them being together. Not when it feels like the best thing that’s ever happened to him.

He sighs when he’s alone again and goes to open a window, ignoring the cold as he hopes it’ll air out the smell of sex before anyone comes in here. He puts on his tie backwards and doesn’t notice until he gets home and can’t even be mad no one told him, even though he had lunch with superintendent Adler and a faculty meeting. 

*****

Time passes, as it always does, but if Cas had thought it would make him forget or come to terms with what he has done (or what is denied him) then he was sorely mistaken. Somehow, the hurt only seems to grow and it’s helped further along by Dean getting into fights with Gordon again and ending up in Cas’ office more than once in the passing month. 

“Please, boys,” Cas sighs and tosses his glasses on his desk, rubbing his eyes tiredly. “I thought we were over this.”

“Maybe _you_ were over it,” Dean bites back and Cas snaps his head up. The look the boy gives him makes it clear what he’s talking about and it feels like a knife is twisting Cas’ guts.

“I’m _far_ from over it,” he mumbles and watches how Dean hunches in on himself, clearly surprised.

“Come on, Principal Novak,” Gordon cuts in and Cas jerks to attention, can’t _believe_ he actually forgot the other teen was in the room with them. “I’ve been good and whatever, Dean started it this time.”

Cas hates to think his actions have affected Dean negatively but he would be a fool if he tried to convince himself otherwise.

“Is that true?”

Dean holds his gaze for a moment before looking down at the floor. “‘M sorry, Walker.”

Both Gordon and Cas sit in a stunned silence for a moment before Cas regains his senses and claps his hands together once, making the boys look up sharply.

“Well then, I think we are done here for today. Gordon, please keep up your good behavior, I’m very proud of you. You may leave.”

Gordon seems entirely too surprised, and even confused, to argue and he just leaves quietly, even closes the door behind himself. Dean gets up too, looking down at Cas, and Cas feels shame at the disorganized state his desk is in.

“Is what you said true?”

Cas swallows hard. “Can’t you see the mess this has made me?”

“Then why can’t we—”

“Dean.”

“Damnit, Cas!” Dean slams his hands down on the desk, leaning down into Cas’ face, anger making his eyes blaze. “I might just be a fucking _boy_ to you, and I was naive at first but I have been thinking about this and it’s the real fucking deal to me, okay? And you saying shit like that ain’t making it easier for me to get over you.”

Cas’ throat closes up. He doesn’t _want_ Dean to get over him. “You’re just confused…”

“By what? Do you think I just see you as a father figure or something?” Dean straightens, looking down at Cas with dark eyes. “I don’t. I don’t need that, I have a fucking awesome dad. I want _you_ , I see you fucking _sexually_ , get that through your thick skull or stop fucking around with me.”

He stomps out of Cas’ office, slamming the door so hard Cas hears Mrs. Moseley reprimanding the boy and yet all he can do is sit there and feel ineffectual and like less of a man. Dean, the alleged _boy_ is more of a man than him.

He groans and hides his face in his hands when he remembers what happened last week.

Dean is a boy no more, after all. He’s still in high school, true, but he had his birthday last week and he’s eighteen now. Cas hates himself for looking up the date, hates himself for a lot of things but none more than how he’s making Dean feel.

*****

Gabe comes to visit him that same evening. Cas is sitting with his legs crossed on his couch, in his underpants and a stained t-shirt. The TV is on but muted and the living room looks like a garbage dump, at least by his standards. To be frank, the whole house looks like a shithole by now and Cas can’t even be bothered to care. He wonders when it changed exactly, when did he go from “sad but okay” to “disaster”?

“Jesus fucking Christ on a cracker,” Gabe exclaims when he enters the living room. 

Cas doesn’t even budge, even though he certainly is surprised because he didn’t even hear the doorbell.

“How’d you get in?”

Gabe gives him a sour look, hands on his hips. “Spare key, because you left me standing on the porch like a fucking chump.”

Cas leans his head back and stares up at the ceiling. Objectively, it’s a very nice ceiling. White and pristine, the opposite of his blackened soul.

“I didn’t notice.”

“I banged my knuckles bloody on the door,” Gabe comes closer and picks up some plates with leftovers, pushing them into a pile so he can sit on the coffee table in front of Cas. “I thought Meg was exaggerating but Jesus.”

“Meg is in Connecticut.”

On a romantic weekend getaway with her newest Tinder snatch. She hadn’t wanted to leave but Cas didn’t want her to stay. For the first time since he can remember he doesn’t want her comfort or presence or sometimes tough love, even though he’s feeling as if his heart is turning to ashes. He’s been in love and failed before, and Meg has always been the one he wanted to run to, as he has been her rock. 

Now he only wants Dean. 

“Thank you Captain Obvious,” Gabe grouses. “And that’s exactly why I’m left to pick up the pieces, and don’t think I’m enjoying this. You’re like a stubborn bull when you’re sad.”

“I’m not sad.”

“Case in point,” Gabe snorts.

“I’m devastated.”

There’s a beat of silence and then Cas feels his brother’s hand grip his right ankle. “What?”

Cas doesn’t care anymore, let the whole fucking world know. He made a mistake and he’s keeping to that mistake for some ungodly reason, but the dam is bursting.

“Remember a while back, I told you and Meg about this young student who came over to help me in the garden?”

“The jailbait?” Gabe asks after a long moment and Cas thinks it’s only cosmic justice that both Meg and Gabe remembers the story of Dean the same way. 

They even use the same term and see, _that’s_ why he can’t be with Dean. Not because people will tease them but because everyone _knows_ a relationship between someone so young and beautiful and someone like Cas is just a joke. No way it can be real in the way Cas needs it to be real.

He covers his eyes, hating himself for suddenly doubting Dean’s affection as well.

“I love him so fucking much,” he rasps and feels Gabe jerk. “I love him and I want to build a life with him and he wants that too but we _can’t_ , Gabe, we _can’t_ because he’s so young and my student and I-I hurt him, I…” he pauses to take a deep breath and feels Gabe’s hold on him tighten.

“Cassie,” he says, soothingly. “What happened?”

“I told him we can’t be together,” the words are thick, choking him. “But I am shit at setting boundaries. At first he wouldn’t look at me but now he does and it’s somehow worse. I wanted him to be angry with me but…”

“But you don’t really want that,” Gabe mumbles and then yanks softly on Cas’ leg. “Hey. Look at me, kiddo,” he looks more serious than Cas has ever seen him. “You did the right thing.”

“Everything hurts, Gabe.”

Gabe nods. “And it will continue to hurt, for a long time,” he gives Cas a small smile. “Or maybe it only has to hurt until he turns eighteen and graduates high school?”

Cas swallows over a hard lump. That thought has occurred to him too, and it’s something that Dean said as well. Because really, what _is_ holding them back from having a relationship once all the legal arguments are out of the way? Only the fear of society’s rejection, Cas supposes, and should that be enough? But does Dean even realize what being in a relationship means? Or is Cas setting himself up for heart-break?

It dawns on him that maybe he’s not trying to save Dean’s feelings, maybe he’s trying to save his own and the selfishness almost crushes him.

“Can we not talk about this?” he croaks and Gabe frowns at him.

“Sure,” he’s squinting suspiciously at Cas. “If you agree to clean yourself up and come out to dinner with me, I promise we’ll drop this for now.”

Cas hears the underlying threat, if he doesn’t improve they’ll circle back to this topic and Gabe will pull Meg into it. She of course already knows a lot, which is probably why she sent over Gabe after Cas’ last lackluster text, but she has never seen him like this and Cas doesn’t want her to.

“Deal,” he says, voice thick. 

For now he supposes he has to focus on one step at a time, he just wishes he didn’t feel like he is wrong and Dean is right and he’s making the biggest mistake in history.

*****

Despite his promise to Gabe, Cas deteriorates over the week. Oh he cleans up himself and his house pretty well but mentally he’s spiraling downwards and Dean seems more and more angry these days, which of course is a byproduct of what has happened. Cas obviously handles his dark feelings by shutting himself off emotionally from the world while Dean handles them by lashing out.

Too bad the lashing out means he ends up in unnecessary fights in school, no longer about protecting the weak but more about Dean apparently wanting to get punched in the face or possibly to punch someone else. Cas wonders if Dean envisions Cas’ face when he’s throwing punches and he feels nauseous just imagining it. 

Gordon Walker (the usual target for Dean’s anger), who at the beginning of the school year seemed like such a troublemaker, is now almost bawling with frustration about this whole thing and Cas is hard-pressed to suspend Dean soon or seem inconsistent in his punishments. And yet he can’t find himself able to do that, not when he knows the reason for Dean’s outbursts. 

His whole being aches to hold the boy, tell him that it’s okay, and at the same time he despises himself for what he’s turning Dean into. A resentful ball of fury, someone so hurt that they don’t know how to handle their feelings. This was the very thing Cas had hoped to avoid by distancing himself and maybe it would have worked too, if only he hadn’t given in to temptation, _twice_. 

He sits behind his desk now, hands folded as he stares straight at Dean while Gordon rambles on about how unfair this is to him. Dean stares right back, their gazes locked and the racket Gordon is making droned out by the rushing in Cas’ ears.

 _“I did this,”_ Cas thinks somberly, tiredly. _“I hurt him. Me.”_

The very person Dean should be able to trust the most, because Cas loves him so much. And yet he was the one to put that expression on the boy’s beautiful face. Good God, Dean looks as if Cas cheated on him and came home with the baby. 

“Thank you, Mr. Walker,” he turns to look at Gordon, who’s by now almost panting from his long rant. “You’re excused.”

Gordon doesn’t question it by now, just rushes out of the office. Dean usually leaves immediately too, ever since his comment about how he doesn’t view Cas as a father figure Dean has stormed out after Gordon, sometimes without even being dismissed. 

This time he remains rooted to his seat and neither of them even notice when the door silently slides shut after Gordon’s rushed exit. Cas just looks at him, feeling caught but somehow (stupidly) hopeful. Maybe Dean wants to make amends, maybe he can be the man Cas can’t and extend the olive branch? 

“I saw you last weekend,” Dean states after a moment and sounds much more vulnerable than Cas had anticipated. “You were out eating at the Roadhouse with another man,” he should have known it would be stupid to go there with Gabe, he knows Dean frequents the restaurant too. “You were smiling.”

It takes Cas a moment too long to understand what Dean is saying. “That was my brother,” he blurts out, suddenly realizing that Dean’s betrayed stare from before had been real. “Gabriel. You know about him. I swear, Dean, I would never—” he straightens in his seat, unaware of when or even why he had leaned over the desk. “He was trying to cheer me up.”

Dean honestly looks surprised. “Because?”

“Because I broke my own heart,” he exclaims, eyes immediately shooting to the door only to find it shut. Probably shouldn't shout, though. It’s pretty soundproof to provide confidentiality but still… “And every time I see you it gets worse, not only because I realize what I have done to you but because my own wounds reopen.”

He looks down at his desk, eyes unseeing, and Dean remains quiet for a moment. Cas thinks he can’t do this anymore, he needs Dean so much it feels like dying and maybe, if they could just talk, then maybe they could...

“I get it,” Dean starts after a moment and Cas snaps his head up. He looks so mature in this moment that Cas wants to weep. “I get that it’s about prison and laws, and it’s about how your students view you. Because if you get seen as this predator then how can they expect to trust any kind of authority figure?” Dean looks down at his lap and Cas can’t look away from his expressive face. “I get it, and I don’t want you to be punished, I don’t want your reputation and everyone who depends on it to suffer. But if that were all there was then you would be telling me to wait,” he looks up and his eyes are fierce. Clearly, he has been thinking about this a lot and Cas aches for him.

“Wait until what?” he asks breathlessly even though he’s almost positive about where Dean is headed.

“If we wait until I have properly graduated from high school then none of that should be a problem,” Dean states clearly and Cas can’t help but think about the fact that he’s been told the same thing before. Has even contemplated it himself lately. But before he can say anything, Dean looks away, jaw clenched. “But you’re too focused on what society says. It feels like you’re saying what people think is more important to you than how I feel and who am I kidding, of course it is. Because even if I graduate you could still get that predator label and it could still destroy the young _impressionable_ minds of your future students and all that shit and I guess that’s more important than your own feelings. More important than me…” that last word comes out in a choked off whisper and Cas’ body feels icy cold with the realization that Dean is holding back tears all of a sudden. “Fuck it, I guess it was just me who was in love this whole time, huh?”

“That’s not true,” Cas hastes to say, getting up to round the desk in his need to get closer, to hold and comfort. “ _You’re_ more important.”

“Then what the fuck, Cas?” Dean spits but there’s barely any venom in his voice, only hurt. “Are you saying you’re only attracted to my body? Or are you afraid that’s all I want from you? Sex? That I’m too young to be able to want anything more?” he stands up, coming almost face to face with Cas and when did he grow so much? Cas resents every moment he has missed. “Fuck you Cas, if that was all it was then we wouldn’t be feeling like this now.”

“I know,” he mumbles. “It’s not, it’s so much more and I’ve been a fool, Dean. Such a hopeless fool.”

“Cas?”

He sighs and sits on his desk, for the first time experiencing what it will feel like when Dean grows taller than him. He likes it. 

“I thought I was doing what was right, that I was protecting us both. But in the end I guess I was just scared.”

“Of what?” Dean frowns and Cas wants to kiss him.

“Of a lot of things,” Cas mumbles, smiling almost sadly up at Dean. “But I guess mostly of you leaving me.”

Dean snorts. “Is that it? Do you think I'm so shallow that I'll leave you just because you get old? What if I gain 100 pounds, would you stop loving me then?”

“No,” Cas’ smile grows fonder and he shakes his head. “But because you’ll grow up and realize that what we have done isn’t right. I want to build a life with you, Dean. I don’t want you to wake up one day and resent me for everything I’ve held you back from, however unintentionally.”

Dean makes a little sound at the back of his throat. “You want to build…? Did I actually get through to you?”

Now Cas’ smile is wide and genuine, and he crosses his arms just to keep his hands to himself because they need to _talk_ but boy does he want to _touch_. 

“You did, your tenacity is astonishing,” Dean honestly looks like he wants to break out into a victory dance and Cas feels his whole being surge with affection. “I’m sorry for all the hurt I’ve caused, I’ve handled this whole situation extremely badly.”

Dean punches him lightly on the shoulder. “Yeah you did you fucking oaf.”

“And you shouldn’t be so quick to forgive me.”

“Well excuse me for being a naive young idiot,” Dean drawls but he steps up to Cas before he can protest, plucking Cas’ glasses off his nose gently. “Listen, I know what’s happened between us can’t be magically swept under the rug by a simple twenty minute conversation, this ain’t a romcom,” he smiles and puts the glasses on the desk, stepping closer to put his hands on Cas’ cheeks. “But I _am_ young and stupid so I’m gonna give you the benefit of the doubt, _one_ ,” he pinches Cas’ cheeks lightly. “ _More_. _Time_ ,” he fixates Cas with a serious stare. “One.”

Cas nods slowly, focusing hard on Dean’s words and serious expression and not the boy’s hands or lips. “I promise.”

“Do you?”

Fuck it, he can’t keep his hands to himself anymore. “I do,” he mumbles, pulling Dean in between his open legs by the boy’s narrow hips. “I’m yours.”

Dean looks mightily pleased. “Don’t get so cocky. I want you to prove it first.”

“Anything you want,” Cas’ body is feeling light enough to float away. He can’t believe they’re doing this, that _he’s_ doing this. After all this suffering, can he really deserve such happiness? He feels elated, in a way, that that decision has been left up to Dean. It only seems fitting that the boy— _man_ should hold all the cards now.

“Then I want to come over to your house tonight,” Dean starts slowly, voice deeper with something dark and delicious now. “And I want you to do exactly everything I tell you. To me. In bed,” he leans in, speaks against Cas’ mouth. “Sexually.”

Cas shivers when arousal shoots through him. He honestly doesn’t know if he likes Dean innocent or experienced better, both seem absolutely ravishing in their own ways.

“Anything,” he repeats and is rewarded with a quick peck on his lips. He almost topples over when he leans after Dean when the man backs away and when he looks up, Dean is grinning at him.

“Tonight, then.”

Cas clears his throat and smiles back. “Yes.”

“Don’t freak out on me in the meantime.”

“I’ll do my best,” actually, Cas is starting to feel better and better about this. He loves how demanding and in charge Dean suddenly is. It makes everything easier for him.

“Text me if you do.”

His heart soars with the knowledge that he’s allowed that and any lingering guilt at the fact that he has kept their text conversation on his phone evaporates.

“I will.”

Dean gives him a last look, not checking him out but clearly just making sure Cas doesn’t spontaneously change his mind and Cas thinks he deserves that look. He’s got a lot to make up for and as luck will have it, he’ll get to start already tonight. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi y'all!  
> I just wanted to give a heads up about the chapter count 😄 for me, this is the end of the beginning of their journey (aka this fic's story) but I get that some of you might feel it's too abrupt so fear not, I have a quick little epilogue due to be posted this weekend, to cap us off 😁  
> For now, please enjoy this chapter filled with feelings and smut, Destiel style!

  


Cas knows he promised not to but of course he freaks the fuck out. He distracts himself by cleaning his house top to bottom, even going so far as to change the sheets in his bed. He knows what Dean told him, what the boy _said_ he expected them to do tonight, but Cas can see how that can easily change and he doesn’t want to be presumptuous when Dean eventually arrives. Sound reasoning, he thinks, but it doesn’t stop him from choosing his best linen like a complete fool. 

He washes and shaves and puts on his finest cologne and then remembers that Dean _isn’t_ coming tonight. He fiddles with his phone (valiantly avoiding the texting app) and eventually goes out to tidy up the front yard even though it’s well past nine and pitch black. 

The morning after, he wakes up too early but can’t go back to sleep. He doesn’t know what’s wrong with him, aside from the fact that he now feels wholly committed to Dean (a decision that feels so right it’s inconceivable to change back now) and the young man effectively has Cas’ heart in his hand. He deserves this uncertainty, Cas thinks, for what he put Dean through. The young man was serious from the beginning and Cas took too long to acknowledge that so he can just as well suffer. 

He cleans himself again today, for lack of anything productive to do, but opts out of the cologne because what was he thinking anyway? Dean isn’t someone to woo with expensive things, Dean is tenacious and straight-forward, and he’s already in love with Cas.

He leans against the sink in the kitchen, head hanging as the coffee maker goes through its usual cycle. 

“Don’t get cocky,” he mutters to himself. Dean could just as well be toying with him now, being intentionally mean just out of spite. Or maybe it had all been fake from the beginning…

No, Cas looks up just as the coffee maker beeps. No, just remembering Dean’s sweet sounds and desperate touches makes Cas certain that the boy at least hasn’t been faking his attraction. And now that he thinks about it, Dean basically admitted to it all the way back last year when he came to visit Cas after the Halloween party. But Cas had been too stubborn to listen, or to even dream it could be true. Or, for that matter, prepared to accept it if it had been true. 

But that’s all done now, Dean had made a compelling argument and Cas has been wobbling back and forth long enough to be persuaded by it. Tired of a struggle that seemed pointless, he’s now more than happy to accept his and Dean’s relationship and any hardships that might be thrown at them. If only the young man would come over…

He distracts himself by texting with Meg for a while, she wants to go to the movies with some of their other friends but Cas declines, only to end up promising to tell her why later when he can’t come up with a proper lie for now (also, he doesn’t want to lie to her).

It’s closing in on noon and Cas starts thinking he should prepare something for lunch, even though he isn’t hungry. He forced himself to have some toast with his morning coffee but could barely taste the honey.

He doesn’t react at first when his phone beeps with an incoming message, thinking it’s only Meg again, so when he opens it only to find a new message from Dean, he almost drops his phone. He forces himself to calm down, to act his goddamn age, and manages to answer without sounding like a complete moron. He knows his texting is stilted, people usually tease him for it, and it’s even worse with Dean since he can’t seem to relax, but apparently his message gets across because Dean tells him he’s on his way and will be there in about half an hour.

Cas smiles to himself, texting back that that sounds good, and then he immediately freaks out again. He gets up to walk around the house, checking to see that everything looks good, and he ends up in the living room, berating himself.

“A complete idiot,” he mutters, rubbing his hands through his hair. He’s behaving like a tool. 

Dean has been to visit him many times, has even spent that one night in Cas’ bed, and the boy _doesn’t_ care about the state of Cas’ house, he knows he doesn’t. But that doesn’t stop him from wanting it to be nice, wanting the boy to feel invited and welcomed— _and oh my god Cas should’ve made a pie for Dean._

He fumbles through a frantic search of his pantry but barely comes up with enough for the crust and now he doesn’t even have enough time. What he wants even less than having no pie is getting caught in the middle of making one. Because what if Dean doesn’t actually want to stay? Cas would look like a proper fool standing there with his hands covered in dough as Dean laughs at him. 

In the end he wrings his hands for a solid twenty minutes and wonders what has happened to him. He has always been a bit socially awkward, that’s true, and he’s been nervous about dates before, but never at this scale. Usually he’s had Meg (and occasionally Gabe) there to boost his confidence, though, maybe that’s what’s different?

He stops to look at himself in the hallway mirror. “Or maybe I’ve never really been in love before?” 

God, that would explain so much of his behavior…

He startles badly when the doorbell rings and he has to take several deep breaths to calm himself down before he goes to open it. It’s Dean and he’s of course gorgeous. Cas’ knees feel weak.

“Hiya, Cas,” he greets softly, smile grazing his plump lips.

“I haven’t prepared food,” Cas blurts out and immediately smacks a hand over his eyes. He wants to die, seriously. Grown, fucking 40-year-old man, behaving like a little girl with a middle school crush. Dean is the more mature one for sure…

“That’s fine,” Dean laughs and pushes inside, closing the door, and Cas only then notices a little duffle bag that Dean tosses to the floor. Does he mean to stay the night? Cas feels relief wash over him, calming him. “I’m not hungry right now anyway. I came to see _you_ , not your cooking.”

“I love you.”

Dean freezes but Cas doesn’t feel nervous anymore, he just smiles and steps up to the younger man, cupping his face. God, he’s beautiful.

“W-what?”

“I know I’ve been an ass, but I hope it’s obvious by now how I feel about you.”

Dean grabs at Cas, hands clenching in the fabric of his shirt. “Well yeah but fuck, you can’t just go blurting out shit like that.”

Dean’s voice trembles with vulnerability and Cas bends down to brush their lips together. “Not shit,” he whispers. “The truth.”

“Then me too, Cas,” Dean moans lowly, body lining up beautifully with Cas’. “Okay? Me too.”

Cas gets it, it’s a scary thing to say so clearly and sincerely, and he loves Dean all the more for making the effort. 

The kiss they share now is tender, in contrast to many of their other kisses. Cas takes Dean’s chin in a light grip and angles the young man’s head just right, Dean following his every move. For how assertive Dean has been before, and for how demanding he was yesterday, he seems completely willing to give up control now, seems to crave it even, and Cas is more than ready to give him whatever he needs.

“I almost thought you weren’t coming,” he mumbles when they break off.

Dean hums, hands warm on Cas’ body as he bends in to sniff against Cas’ neck. “I know, I’m sorry. There really was a family thing.”

“I hope it’s nothing serious?”

He can feel Dean’s smile against his skin. “I told them about us, and mom and dad got a little upset.”

Cas feels detached from his body for a moment. “What?”

Dean laughs, stepping out to remove his jacket and grab his duffle bag to walk into the house. “Relax, I didn’t tell them everything. Just that I’m in love with an older guy and that we hit some rough patches and that’s why I’ve been weird lately,” he looks softly at Cas when he has to catch himself against the wall. “But it’s fine. We had a long talk and Sam was on my side, so they eventually caved, at least a little. Mom even sat me down to have The Talk while dad hid in the garage, and I told them I’d be spending tonight with you.”

“I’m old, Dean,” Cas rasps, massaging his chest. “Don’t scare me like that.”

“Oh, I know you’re old alright,” Dean says, voice suddenly husky and Cas swallows slowly.

“So they know you’re spending the night with your lover and they’re okay with that too?”

“Lover, are you?” Dean laughs and Cas can’t resist walking up to him and pulling him into a hug, kissing him before Dean can react.

He moans into it and Cas swallows the sound greedily, hands going down to massage the swell of Dean’s ass. It makes the younger man grind their crotches together and Cas feels immense pleasure rush through him when he feels how hard Dean’s already becoming.

“Boyfriend, then?” he asks, almost begs, against Dean’s mouth and Dean drops his duffle again to grab Cas’ collar, holding him close.

“You can call yourself whatever the fuck you want as long as you’re mine,” he growls and Cas’ body pings with arousal.

“Tell me what you want,” he breathes, their bodies grinding together slowly. “You wanted to tell me what to do to you in bed, so tell me.”

“Fuck that’s hot,” Dean groans and arches his neck to the side so that Cas can kiss him there. He drags his mouth slowly against Dean’s fluttering pulse, licking and nipping and making Dean tremble in his arms. “I wanna be naked.”

“Sounds good.”

“And I want—shit—I want you on top of me.”

Cas hums, pleasure radiating out from his crotch with every movement that presses their dicks together. He’s already so hard but Dean seems fit to burst already and Cas loves it. He flexes his hands on Dean’s ass and enjoys the way Dean chases him with his body.

“Do you have a specific scenario in mind?”

Dean almost whimpers and hides his face against Cas’ neck, making Cas’ affection skyrocket. Dean had been so fierce yesterday and it had been such a turn-on, but this… The vulnerability and trust is amazing and it makes Cas’ head swim.

“It’s stupid,” Dean mumbles, making Cas feel irrationally protective for some reason.

“I bet it’s not,” he hushes, hands sweeping down to grab lightly at what he can reach of Dean’s thighs, almost as if he wants the younger man to jump up into his arms. In fact, that’s exactly what he wants. “I’m yours, tell me and let me pleasure you,” he sighs with contentment when his heart twists in his chest and he kisses the next words against the side of Dean’s head. “Let me make up for all the hurt and confusion I caused.”

“Don’t talk about that,” Dean mumbles and pulls out so that they can look each other in the eye. “Let’s not ever bring it up again, unless it’s as a funny story we’re telling our future grandkids.”

Cas almost feels like weeping, the forgiveness in Dean’s words and actions overwhelming him. “You’re remarkable,” he mumbles, brushing his thumbs over Dean’s cheeks. “Tell me how to please you.”

Dean swallows and his cheeks heat with a light blush. “We’re both naked,” he starts in a voice thick from arousal. “I’m on my stomach, butt up for you. We use a lot of lube,” Dean glances down at Cas’ crotch, licking his lip when he sees the obvious bulge there. “You’re on top of me, pressing me into the mattress with your weight. I want,” he looks up again, eyes swimming with his arousal and his tone breathless now. “I wanna feel you grinding on me, wanna feel the weight of you,” he cups Cas’ dick, making it jump from the attention. “Your cock between my ass cheeks and your chest against my back.”

Cas is breathing heavily through his nose, pupils no doubt blown. “You really paint a picture, Dean.”

“Is it lame?” Dean almost looks a little sheepish and he pulls away his hand.

“No,” Cas catches the younger man’s wrist in his hand, squeezing a little. “No, it’s absolutely marvelous. Come, let’s go to the bedroom.”

Dean nods but bends in to kiss Cas first and that ends up with them making out for a moment, neither willing to part. Dean keens beautifully when Cas sucks on his bottom lip and the pleasure burns through Cas so hot and fast that it leaves him reeling.

“I’ll come in my pants like this,” Dean moans and though the thought is tantalizing to Cas (Dean coming any which way is tantalizing, to be honest), he knows that’s not what Dean wants right now.

“Come,” he rumbles and bends down to grab Dean’s duffle in one hand and the younger man’s hand the other.

Dean follows him obediently and Cas’ neck prickles with the knowledge that Dean is right behind him. The walk to his bedroom has never seemed longer and he almost wants to break out into a run but manages to contain himself enough to get them safely into the bedroom. 

Well there, he tosses the duffle onto the armchair he keeps in the corner and pulls Dean into a new kiss. Dean groans openly into it, pressing closer and grinding against Cas. 

“Tell me at any time if you want to stop,” he pants out between kisses, hands already moving by themselves to undress Dean. “Or if you want to change anything.”

“I trust you,” Dean moans, blowing Cas’ mind.

To distract himself from his meltdown, he goes to kneel in front of Dean, pulling the man’s jean’s down as he goes. Dean wobbles and puts his hands on Cas’ head when he leans in to nuzzle Dean’s hard dick. The tip is already wet, making the fabric of his underwear stick to it and Cas sucks gently on it for a moment, delighting in the sounds Dean make. 

He lingers for a moment, getting distracted from his goal but remembering himself when Dean pulls on his hair. He helps the younger man out of his pants and socks, tossing everything carelessly behind himself before rising again, the hem of Dean’s t-shirt in his hands so he can whip it over his head. 

And then Dean is naked. Cas has to pause for a moment, the young man so absolutely gorgeous that it takes Cas’ breath away.

“Don’t stare,” Dean mumbles after a moment, moving almost as if to cover himself and Cas won’t have it. 

He swoops in to kiss Dean again, one hand coming up to pinch Dean’s perky nipple and the other wrapping around his weeping dick. Dean moans deeply, clearly unprepared for the stimulus, and he surges for the gratification, hands grabbing at Cas to pull him even closer and hips grinding his dick into Cas’ grip.

“You’re astonishing,” Cas rumbles, voice gravelly and low with his mounting arousal.

“Shut up and get naked too,” Dean mumbles, eyes averted with apparent embarrassment. 

Cas just grins and releases Dean to start undressing quickly. “Lie down on the bed,” he says and nods to the bedside table. “I have lube in there.”

“I brought some,” Dean gestures to his duffle.

“Use whichever one you like,” Cas smiles and kicks off his pants, ignoring Dean openly ogling him. “I only have regular Astroglide.”

“Th-that’s fine,” Dean hastes over to the bedside table as Cas shucks off the bedspread and pulls one of his pillows to the center of the bed. “What’s that for?”

Cas winks. “For elevating your cute little butt.”

Dean splutters, red in the face, but he accepts Cas’ hand when he reaches out to help him climb on the bed. 

“It’s not cute,” he mumbles as he lowers himself over the pillow, tube of Astroglide in a hard grip.

“I’m beginning to think you don’t take compliments well,” Cas says amusedly, climbing on behind Dean and stretching out somewhat over him so that he can murmur against Dean’s ear. “You’re going to have to get used to that around me.”

Dean shivers and arches his back so that his ass rubs against Cas’ hard dick. It makes both of them grunt softly and Cas stays like that for a moment, just rubbing against Dean as the man pants and squirms under him.

“The pillow,” Dean suddenly gasps, and Cas snaps out of his trance.

“What about it?”

“Remove it,” his words are choppy and Cas smiles against Dean’s neck.

“Don’t you like it?” he changes position, knees coming up to support him as he curls his fingers around Dean’s sharp hipbones. 

Dean twists his head to the side, looking up at Cas over his shoulder and good God, it feels as if Cas died and went to Heaven. Dean’s face is red, there’s unshed tears in his eyes, and his lips are swollen from biting.

“I’ll stain it.”

Cas shudders as a sharp spike of pleasure goes through him, making his dick blurt out a generous amount of precome. Only Dean can do that to him, he’s accepted that as a fact now. He smears it against Dean’s crack with a few well-aimed thrusts. 

“It’s washable,” he rumbles, hands clenching on Dean’s hips. “I want to see you make a mess.”

Dean keens, hips bucking, and he reaches to pull another pillow closer, the one Cas usually uses. He buries his face in it and spreads his legs as he starts humping back against Cas’ dick. Cas huffs out a groan and stops for a moment, reaching for the forgotten lube. He squirts a generous amount in his hand and wastes no time with smearing both his dick and Dean’s ass. 

“Cas, for real,” Dean moans wantonly, hips driving relentlessly against the pillow as Cas stretches out over him again, dick sliding smoothly now. “I know you changed the sheets and I’m gonna fuck ‘em up.”

“I did it for you,” he murmurs, kissing Dean’s shoulders and neck. “I want you to ruin them.”

Dean humps back, movements fervent now and it’s the single most erotic thing Cas has ever participated in. Dean seems to highly enjoy being trapped like this and Cas feels his pleasure coil low in his abdomen, spurred on by the way Dean whimpers and moves, so obviously chasing a high only Cas can give him in this moment. 

“I wanna come on your cock,” Dean whines just as Cas sneaks a hand under the younger man’s chest to pinch his nipple again. 

Cas’ hips stutter and he has to stop completely so he won’t release too soon. “And you will,” he rasps, his voice gritty with arousal. “You’re young enough to manage more than once.”

“Oh shit,” Dean hiccups. 

“You’re so perfect for me,” Cas shushes Dean’s choked off sobs gently, kissing the young man’s neck again as he resumes grinding on him. “I feel so at ease with you, you make me feel safe.”

“Cas,” Dean moans, bucking back desperately now.

“Safe enough to admit that even though I am so much older than you I have never felt younger,” he bites Dean’s ear lightly, grunting out his next words with his lips pressed close. “Young enough to barely be able to contain my orgasm.”

Dean gasps so sharply it almost sounds as if he chokes himself and Cas rises to sit on his knees again, using his grip on Dean’s hips to pull the boy into his thrusts. The lube makes slick noises, obscene when coupled with Dean’s desperate moans and Cas feels his arousal wash over him in waves.

“Cas, I’m gonna…”

“Yes,” Cas rumbles, hands clenching. “Come for me.”

It only takes Dean a handful of thrusts before his body is locking up and he shudders helplessly as he spills against the pillow. He groans throatily, hugging the other pillow to his face so hard Cas almost fears he’ll suffocate himself.

Immense pleasure surges through Cas at the moment of Dean’s climax and he throws his head back, slowing his thrusting to a grind and moving his hands to press Dean’s ass cheeks against his dick, trapping it between them.

“Cas,” Dean gasps after a moment spent in pure bliss. “The fuck you made me do that for?”

The young man’s incredulous tone makes Cas chuckle. “Don’t worry, we’re not done yet.”

Dean whips his head around, making Cas lose his grip on his ass. “You were serious about making me come again?”

Cas grins, knows it comes out a little devilishly by the way Dean swallows, and leans down to kiss the man. It’s dirty, tongues twirling, and full of promises. 

“You said you wanted to come on my cock, didn’t you?” he murmurs as he sits back again, licking his lips. “And tonight, I am yours to command.”

Dean _mewls_ , completely blowing Cas’ mind, and turns to hide his face against the pillow again. “I love it,” he mumbles, the words muffled but no less easy to understand. “I love that you’re mine.”

Cas soothes his hands down Dean’s body, sweeping in big arches to ease the tension from their sex and all the emotions surrounding this act. 

“I love it too,” he hushes, body thrumming with the truth in those words. 

“And I love your smell,” Dean peeks up at him, grinning shyly. “I almost wish you hadn’t changed the sheets.”

Cas makes a weird noise and closes his eyes against his own emotions when Dean chuckles at him. “You completely overwhelm me.”

“Says the dude who made me splooge all over an innocent pillow.”

Dean’s bluntness makes Cas laugh and he looks down to see Dean grinning proudly up at him. “Come on, let’s flip over the pillow.”

“Then I’ll just stain the other side too,” Dean protests mildly and Cas wants to ask what difference it makes. They’ll have to wash it either way.

“It’s just for the prep,” he says and watches how Dean turns shy again. “If you still want to proceed with that?”

“I do,” Dean lies down on his stomach again, canting his hips up and practically presenting his ass. “I wanna feel you come in me. Can we do it without condoms?”

“You’re _really_ aiming to give me a heart-attack,” Cas grumbles and grabs the Astroglide again, squirting fresh lube in his hand to warm it up a little first. “And no, we can’t. I trust you when you say you’re clean, but I don’t want you to just take my word for it, I’ll take some tests first.”

“You do know how hypocritical it sounds when you tell me not to just take your word for it when it’s exactly what you do with me?”

Cas chuckles and brushes the tips of his lube slick fingers against Dean’s hole. “I do, but I stand by it. I won’t take any risks when it comes to your safety.”

“Then you too,” Dean insists, though his voice sounds decidedly breathless again. “I don’t want _you_ to take risks.”

“I won’t,” Cas promises sweetly, grabbing Dean’s waist with one hand just as he presses the tip of one finger inside. “Besides, you’re my only lover from now on anyway.”

That makes Dean moan out loud, the sound travelling down Cas’ spine to settle in his groin, making his still incredibly hard dick jump and spit out precome. God, his balls are so heavy now, aching with the need to just release. 

He takes a moment to just tease Dean’s quivering hole, though, well-aware how it can feel for an anal virgin. And the fact that Dean is a complete virgin of course also makes Cas even more conscious of his actions. He wants this to be good for Dean, not only because he loves the man but because if it’s bad it could potentially ruin any future sex Dean attempts and Cas wouldn’t ever want to rob him of something so precious. 

Plus, though he’s bad at social cues he prides himself at being good in bed and he’s only a man; he wants his lover to melt into a puddle for him— _because_ of him. 

Dean’s balls are tight up against his body, round and cute, and Cas brushes his thumb over them as he teases the hole just above. The young man’s perineum is a pretty shade of pink and Cas knows that it won’t be long before he’s eating Dean out. He loves pleasing his lovers with his mouth and Dean seems like the perfect candidate for rimming, so responsive and receptive. 

“Cas, please,” Dean moans when Cas after a long while still hasn’t gone further than just one finger. “Want more, wanna feel stuffed.”

“In due time,” Cas rumbles gently, massaging one of Dean’s cheeks with his other hand.

“What happened to ‘I’m yours to command’?”

Cas chuckles, sliding his finger in all the way and twisting it around to press against Dean’s prostate. “Don’t worry, beautiful,” he smiles when Dean thrashes back, chasing his finger and the stimulation to that magical button inside him. “I’ll make it good for you.”

Dean stutters out a groan when Cas pushes inside again, and Cas has to let go of Dean’s ass to stroke his own dick for a moment. The pressure is immense, and he grunts, for a moment unable to stop either hand, fucking Dean on his finger at the same pace as he strokes his dick. 

Dean moans and whimpers with it, young dick already hard again as he humps the poor pillow. Tremors travel up and down his back, making his muscles play under soft skin and Cas thinks he’s truly a work of art. There’s lube everywhere now, Dean’ thighs and ass smeared with it and Cas covered up to his elbow on one arm, and yet he adds more, having easily figured out that Dean likes the squelching sound. 

When he’s about to add another finger, he lets go of his dick. He needs to be focused for this, the tight ring of muscle unused to the treatment and resisting slightly. Instead, he grabs Dean’s cheek again, putting his thumb against the hole as he eases the tips of two fingers in. Dean groans and visibly tries not to move.

He keeps them still for a moment until Dean relaxes again, and then he pulls out, starting a slow rhythm of in and out, going a little bit deeper each time. Dean responds spectacularly by moving with Cas, taking him further and more easily each time. 

“It’s building,” he groans out after a while, just as Cas is contemplating adding another finger. “Cas, something’s building inside.”

“Do you need to come?” he asks, voice rough with his barely contained arousal. 

“It’s different, _more_.”

“We’ll soon be done, love,” he murmurs and pulls out his fingers, using his other hand to keep Dean steady as he eases in three. “You’re taking me beautifully.”

“ _Cas_ ,” Dean moans, voice shaky and Cas shushes him gently. 

A thin film of sweat covers Dean’s back and the air around them is humid with their arousal, sated by their needs, and Cas pants greedily. They’ve been at this for so long now it feels as if his mind has melted away, giving way for only pleasure, but he’s not so far gone that he doesn’t recognize the fact that he should have brought something for Dean to drink after his first orgasm. 

_“Next time,”_ he thinks as he twists his fingers, driving relentlessly against Dean’s prostate. He’ll have a lifetime with the young man, and he’ll do all the things for him, anything and everything Dean allows him.

“Cas,” Dean’s voice is a barely there whimper now, breaking on that one word. His dick is leaking continuously, clearly overstimulated from the onslaught of pleasure from his prostate, and he looks completely gone.

“Perfect,” Cas rumbles and pulls out his fingers. Dean’s hole is loose and pliant, and it has to be enough because Cas can’t take it anymore. His need to be inside Dean, coupled with the man’s needy whines, is driving him to the brink of insanity. 

Dean makes the most distraught sound Cas has ever heard when he climbs off the bed for a moment to get the condoms. He hurries back, shushing Dean and pulling the man into a kiss over Dean’s shoulder. 

“I’m here,” he whispers into the frantic kisses Dean gives him. “I’m not leaving you. I’ll never leave you.”

Dean whimpers and mewls and Cas endeavors to put on the condom one-handedly because he can’t bear to lose his grip on Dean’s supple body. 

“Are you ready?” he asks huskily, and Dean pries his eyes open, looking at Cas with such a vulnerable expression that it tears at Cas’ heart. He hastens to gather the younger man in his arms. “What’s wrong?”

“N-nothing,” Dean mumbles, twisting in Cas’ arms so that they come face to face. “But I wanna see you.”

Relief washes over Cas and he sags against Dean for a moment, trying to calm his galloping heart. “You scared me, I thought you were hurting.”

Dean clenches his thighs around Cas’ waist. “Please, Cas. Want you inside.”

Cas hums, face buried in Dean’s neck as he arranges them to a more comfortable position, the pillow tossed to the side. He gets a hand down between them to guide his dick to Dean’s hole and then leaves it there, blunt head pressed against the tight hole, as he rises on his hands to meet Dean’s wide eyes.

“Okay?” he mumbles lovingly and Dean nods, swallowing, before pulling Cas down into a kiss. 

Cas uses the momentum of that kiss to press inside, slowly and only a little at a time. Dean gasps, body locking up against the intrusion, but he relaxes fast enough, clearly wanting this as much as Cas. It takes him a while to bury himself to the hilt and Dean is panting roughly by the end of it, head thrown back and eyes open. Cas takes comfort in the fact that even though this is Dean’s first time, the act of getting penetrated only seems to have made the young man’s dick even harder. 

It’s ramrod straight, smearing them both with precome, and Cas delights in feeling it against his stomach as he moves. Dean moans out a strangled string of nonsense when Cas starts moving his hips in little figure eights and Cas can’t help but smile down at him.

“Feeling okay?”

“You’re _inside_.”

“Yeah, you’re fine,” he grins and rises to sit on his knees, pulling on Dean’s legs so that he ends up with them on Cas’ shoulders.

The position elevates his butt and Cas takes advantage of it by grabbing it and pulling out, only to slam in again. Dean practically wails, hands shooting up to grab at the pillow under his head, toes curling as Cas continues to thrust into him. It’s not as hard as Cas’ body wants it to be, he’s too focused on making this good for Dean, and it feels glorious when Dean looks at him like this. 

The boy is panting and moaning, mouth open as he looks up at Cas with tear-filled eyes, pleasure written all over his face. It mounts with every thrust and soon Cas can’t stop the rhythm from building and his hips move of their own accord. Faster, sharper, he drives into Dean’s body, claiming it from within, and all the while they never lose eye-contact. 

Cas feels everything that has happened between them, everything they are to each other, build like a balloon in his chest and he finds himself reaching for Dean’s hand. The young man immediately takes it, fingers lacing together, and Cas almost feels like weeping himself. It’s clear to him now that he really never has been in love before, not when this act feels so much more with Dean, so immense it’s threatening to swallow him whole. 

His pleasure feels secondary to his emotions in this moment, but it makes itself known when Dean clenches down hard on his dick. He has been keeping a relatively fast but stable pace until then and Dean’s own pleasure seems to have been mounting just beautifully, so when he squeezes Cas hard like that, it makes his hips stutter and oh God, he’s so close to coming. 

“Cas, I’ll come,” Dean whines, the grip on Cas’ hand increasing as the young man’s dick jumps. 

“Thank fuck,” Cas growls and unglues his other hand from Dean’s thigh to take the man’s dick in a strong grip, stroking him fast. 

Dean chokes out a sob, back arching as much as he can in that position, and he comes for the second time that day. It shoots up and lands on his chest, coating him as he shakes through it and Cas wishes he could capture this moment because he doesn’t have time to admire the visual when his own orgasm crashes over him. 

He bites out a wordless shout and slams into Dean one last time, the younger man barely done with his own climax as Cas empties into the condom.

They stay like that for a moment, both panting and both unwilling to let go of the other’s hand. Eventually it’s Dean who moves and Cas can’t blame him, the man might be young, but he’s been in an uncomfortable position for a while now and without the pleasure aiding him it’s bound to get painful.

Dean groans when Cas pulls out his dick, and winces when he lowers his legs gently to rest around Cas’ hips.

“Jesus fucking Christ,” he looks at Cas with droopy eyes and Cas thinks that yes, they definitely need something to drink, and probably eat too. “That was so fucking good, I can’t even.”

Cas smiles widely, preening like a fool. “I’m glad.”

“Me too,” Dean grins, trailing his fingers lazily through the come that stains his stomach and chest. “So what do we do now?”

Cas takes a deep breath, prepared for the question. “We should talk about what we’ll do until you graduate. Realistically we definitely shouldn’t do anything like this again before that, and maybe we should limit our private meet-ups too? What do you think?”

Dean blinks at him for a moment and then starts laughing. And though the sound is absolutely marvelous, Cas is so confused he can’t really enjoy it.

“I was talking about what we should do tonight,” Dean exclaims, smiling widely. “Like, for dinner.”

“Oh.”

“You’re such a fucking grown-up, I love it,” Dean gets up to sit in front of Cas, his legs still around him, and reaches to pull Cas down into a gentle kiss. “But you’re right about the other stuff. I still wanna come and hang out, though. I wanna do it all with you. Watch movies and cook dinner and help you wake up the bees. I wanna build a life with you too, okay?”

Cas swallows and smiles, probably a little crookedly. “Okay.”

“So yeah, maybe we should try and be proper from now on, keep our hands to ourselves until the time is right.”

Cas pulls Dean into a deeper kiss, too overwhelmed with how perfect Dean is for him to keep away. “Maybe kisses are okay?” he mumbles sweetly, and Dean huffs out a smile.

“More than okay, I’d say.”

Cas feels his heart soar. “Let me wash you,” he nuzzles Dean’s hair for a moment. “Let me take care of you.”

Dean hugs him tightly, climbing into his lap to properly wrap himself around Cas’ body. “Forever, Cas.”

“Yes, Dean,” he grins, loving how Dean feels in his arms. Secure and sweet. “Forever.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there we have it! The story of how principal!Cas and student!Dean found each other, d'aww 💖💖💖  
> Epilogue will probably be up Saturday (but no later than Sunday).  
> Many kisses!


	7. Chapter 7

A year later finds Cas the happiest he has ever been. The relationship with Dean, though rocky in the beginning to say the least, is the best thing that’s ever happened to Cas. The young man is remarkable in everything he does, and Cas is definitely experiencing a honeymoon phase for the first time in his life and he desperately hopes that it never ends.

By now Dean has met both Meg and Gabe, and some of Cas’ other friends, and they’ve all taken a liking to him. Cas isn’t surprised there but still can’t believe how easy and comfortable everything feels. 

At the moment Dean is enrolled at KU and still living at home with his parents and Cas has been waiting for the right moment to ask the young man to move in with him. He wants it so much his whole being aches with it but the last hurdle of telling Dean’s parents and friends still loom over them and Cas is frankly a little scared. Dean has assured him he won’t be leaving Cas if worst comes to worst, but Cas doesn’t want the young man to lose his friends and family because of him. They’re getting to the point where things need to be addressed, though, because there’s so much Cas wants to do with and for Dean and he’s tired of hiding.

Today is a normal Thursday noon and Cas is in his office, sorting through paperwork that Adler dropped by the same morning. Apparently, their application for a renovation of the natatorium was approved and Cas is glad for it. He’s heard the students call it “the swamp” one too many times and he frankly wishes better for them.

He pushes up his glasses on top of his head just as the intercom buzzes and he presses to answer without taking his eyes off the papers.

“Dean Winchester here to see you, Principal.”

Cas looks up in the same moment as Dean walks through the door, carrying bags that smell heavenly of take-out Thai food. He smiles when the young man beams at him and they keep eye contact when Cas bends down to answer Mrs. Moseley through the intercom.

“I can see that, thank you.”

“Such a nice young man to come and see his favorite Principal even after he has graduated,” Mrs. Moseley sounds mightily pleased and Cas’ spine prickles when Dean closes the door, hand hovering over the lock with his eyebrow raised.

“I couldn’t agree more, Mrs. Moseley,” he says, trying to keep his voice steady. “You may leave for lunch now.”

“I’m a grown woman,” Mrs. Moseley snaps. “I decide when I want to have lunch myself, thank you very much, boy,” there’s a beat of silence in which Dean doubles over trying to silence his laughter and Cas looks incredulously at the intercom. “Between the hours of twelve and one o’clock,” she concludes, and Cas breathes out, grinning and shaking his head fondly. “Good day, Principal.”

“Good day, Mrs. Moseley.”

Dean snaps the lock and saunters over to Cas. “She’s fiery.”

“Not unlike someone else I know,” Cas rolls out his chair but is stopped from getting up when Dean puts a hand on his shoulder. “Ready to go out to lunch?”

“Actually,” Dean mumbles, bending down to kiss Cas sweetly. “Why do you think I locked the door?”

Cas swallows, body lighting up. “Because you brought food and don’t want to be disturbed while eating?”

“Close,” Dean grins and puts the bags on Cas’ desk. “But it’s not the eating I don’t want disturbed.”

Cas’ answering groan is muffled when Dean kisses him again and when the young man slides into Cas’ lap, he just grabs Dean’s deliciously bouncy ass in his hands and hauls him closer. Their crotches bump together, sending sparks flying through Cas’ body and Dean starts grinding slowly against him. 

During the year Dean has definitely found himself sexually and Cas feels honored having had the privilege to witness the growth. And to have been part of the exploration Dean has done, and still goes through.

“This is better than food,” he rumbles when they break off for air. 

Dean places his sinful mouth against Cas’ neck and nibbles lightly there. “You haven’t even tried the food,” he chuckles, the sound dark and full of promises.

“You could’ve brought me a cake made of gold and I’d still rather eat you.”

Dean makes the most adorable sounds when he’s embarrassed and flattered at the same time. “Shut up,” he mumbles against Cas’ pulse.

“I want to be inside you,” Cas rasps, hands massaging Dean’s ass as their hips roll together. “Tell me you can come over tonight?”

Yet another good reason why they should live together. Then Cas could enjoy Dean’s company and body any day of the week.

“I can and I will.”

Cas presses his nose against the side of Dean’s head. “Thank you.” 

He knows Dean has a lot of studying to tend to, exams that need to be prepared for, papers that are due, and he helps the best he can. Sometimes all he can do is feed the poor man and maybe suck him off to ease some tension, and sometimes he can actually help with the studying. He’s so proud of his intelligent boyfriend and any time Dean can afford to spend on Cas and Cas alone feels so precious to him. 

“But fuck, Cas,” Dean sits up in his lap, his weight comfortable. He has outgrown Cas now, at least height-wise, but Cas doesn’t mind. In fact, he kind of loves the idea of Dean growing larger and stronger than him and still wanting Cas to fuck him into the mattress. It’s erotic to him to say the least. “I ain’t waiting until tonight to do a little something.”

“Really?” Cas’ eyes immediately go to the shut and locked door. “Here?”

“Yeah,” Dean grins widely. “It’s sexy as fuck.”

“I guess, but— _fuck_ ,” his eyes flutter shut for a moment when Dean cups his already substantial erection.

“This for me, old man?” Dean murmurs, his tone husky and Cas breathes out shakily.

“You know it is, _boy_.”

Dean just grins and undoes Cas’ button and fly. The skin-on-skin contact feels amazing and Cas thumps his head back against his chair. There’s some rustling and Dean wobbles in his lap but a moment later Cas’ eyes widen when he feels something hard and warm against his own throbbing dick. 

He looks down to see that Dean has pulled out his own erection as well and they’re pressed together in the young man’s big hand. Dean grins at him and starts stroking them together. Without lube it’s a little rough but he goes slow, and Cas doesn’t even think about lube. He just sinks down in the chair and looks at Dean with hooded eyes as pleasure zings through him. 

“Fuck you always feel so fucking good,” Dean moans lowly, eyelashes fluttering against his pink cheeks. He’s absolutely stunning on any day but in the throes of passion he’s something spectacular to behold. “So fucking perfect for me, Cas.”

Cas just hums and puts his hands on Dean’s hips, steadying him, and Dean immediately removes his other hand from where he had had it clamped against Cas’ shoulder for support. Instead, he pinches his own nipple, throwing his head back. 

Arousal spikes through Cas’ body and he jerks his hips up without meaning to. Just the sight of his beautiful lover enjoying himself makes Cas feel so accomplished he could release and be done with it. His needs are secondary to Dean’s and he gets so caught up in watching Dean’s face he barely notices that they’ve both leaked enough to make Dean’s fingers sticky and their slide smoother.

“Shit,” Dean gasps and slows his strokes to a stop. Cas’ hips twitch and Dean bucks down once before stopping himself. “Shit, wait. Can’t come on our clothes.”

“Are you close?” Cas ask huskily and Dean moans prettily for him.

“Fuck don’t do that right now,” he reaches back to apparently try and fish something out of his back pocket.

“Do what?” Cas lets his hands roam Dean’s body, testing the give of his muscles and rubbing his thumbs over Dean’s perky nipples.

“That _thing_ ,” Dean breathes, dick throbbing against Cas’. “That thing you do when you make it all about me and make me come prematurely.”

“Not prematurely,” Cas corrects lovingly just as Dean brings up two condoms. “Just first.”

“Shut up.”

Cas grins to himself and helps Dean unwrap one of the condoms. They roll them on each other and then Dean takes them both in hand again. Cas wraps his hand around them too, helping Dean, and puts his other hand on the young man’s neck, pulling him down for a kiss as they start stroking fast.

Cas had intended for the kisses to be sweet and loving but they end up just as heated and urgent as usual and he loves it. Dean keens and presses closer, hips grinding as they let their tongues dance together. He squeezes their dicks when Cas nibbles on his lower lip and Cas clenches down on his hold on Dean’s neck, delighting in the way Dean melts down against him.

This is the first time they’ve done something in his office since that time they sucked each other off and though Cas is loath to remember that time he thoroughly enjoys this now. The danger of getting caught adds an exciting thrill and he finds his body responding faster than usual, perhaps partially because of how erotic Dean is being, squirming wantonly in his lap. 

“Cas, fucking hell,” Dean grunts after little to no time. Cas can’t blame him, though, he’s so close to the end himself it feels as if his lower abdomen is on fire.

“Come if you need to,” he rumbles against Dean’s panting mouth, kissing him again. Their lips slide together, and Cas dominates the kiss when Dean can do little else but moan into it and submit to Cas’ tongue. 

The young man arches against him and Cas lets his hand slide from Dean’s neck down to his ass, into his pants so that he can grab one cheek. He skates the tips of his fingers against Dean’s crack and it makes Dean’s whole body lock up. He whines seductively against Cas’ mouth and in the next second Cas feels Dean empty into his condom. He can’t deny that it’s practical with the rubber, but he also hates it in this moment. 

“So beautiful,” he rasps, kissing Dean’s mouth and cheek. “Absolutely stunning.”

“Cas,” Dean moans, body shaking, and he keeps pressing his hips against Cas but he removes his hand and Cas knows his dick must be getting over-sensitive so he lets go as well. “Cas, you too.”

“So close, sweetie,” he mumbles, and Dean pushes away Cas’ hand to grab his dick for himself. 

Cas arches up into the renewed stroking, gratefully focusing on his own pleasure now that his lover has been satisfied. It doesn’t take him long, not with Dean’s hand around him and the young man’s mouth on his neck. He’s grabbing Dean’s body, hands harsh as he massages his ass and thighs and it’s when Dean bites his right ear lobe that Cas comes with a choked off grunt. 

“Fucking _yes_ ,” Dean hisses and shifts to kiss Cas. 

Cas hums into the kiss and doesn’t contribute much in his post-orgasmic haze but he loves the attention. Dean squirms against him, arms around Cas’ neck as Cas holds him securely. They nuzzle together for a while and Cas thinks that this is what life really is about.

“Thank you for coming by today,” he mumbles after a while and Dean smiles against his neck where he has rested his head on Cas’ shoulder. “I know you’re busy, but I’ve missed you.”

“Me too,” Dean admits in a low voice and Cas thinks this is really the perfect opportunity for him to bring up moving in together. “Hey, would you say you’re pretty happy now?”

“I would say I’m the happiest I’ve ever been.”

Dean sits up and grins almost coyly at him. “Because of me?”

“Of course because of you,” Cas laughs. “You’re handsome and brilliant. And you surprise me at work with sex and food, what more can I ask?”

Dean preens and Cas of course thinks it’s adorable, but he might be biased. “So what you’re saying is you love me lots, even if I’m stupid sometimes?”

Cas furrows his brow, still smiling slightly, though a bit uncertainly now. “Of course.”

“Good!” Dean exclaims and pecks Cas quickly on his lips before getting off his lap to remove the used condoms. “Because we’re having dinner with my parents tonight and we’re telling them about us because I’m tired of sneaking around and not living together,” he beams at Cas, who can only sit there gaping. “Let’s eat!”

Would be that God decided to have mercy on Cas and strike him down before that dinner, he thinks, trying to calm his racing heart. To think that the young man would use steamy office sex just to butter him up for a talk with the in-laws... 

There is never a dull moment with Dean Winchester in his life, that’s for sure, and Cas wouldn’t want it any other way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so the journey ends for our boys, all's well that ends well 🥰
> 
> Thank you all so much for reading and supporting me, you guys mean the world! And I also want to take a moment to thank everyone of you who's followed the link in [this Twitter post](https://twitter.com/SPNzation/status/1116229601540419586) and supported me with coffee's too 😍 As a token of my appreciation I wanted to share a few of the things I've been able to buy, including but not limited to:
> 
> This über cool outfit for my character in World of Warcraft (not featured: my sexy as hell character, this is just an ad lol):  
> 
> 
> These compression gloves for aching hands (for increasing blood flow and stuff like that):  
> 
> 
> And a pizza for dinner that one time that I unfortunately don't have a pic of but that was AWESOME in the way only pizza can be 😋
> 
> Thank you all so much for simply being here, even after everything awful that 2020 brought us. SPNFamily forever! I hope to see you all next week when I return with a (hopefully) fun little romp 😄 for an upcoming, longer fic, I have planned something in the line of demon!Dean and human!Cas, but not in the canon sense of the term "demon" 👀 the tags on that one are going to be fun!   
> Anyway, sending lots of love to all of you and again, thank you for reading 💖💖💖


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